Bring Me Back

Chapter 8

"Patrick?" I sniffed in the speaker of my phone. I was trembling, but I had to talk to him.

"What the fuck Jenn? Do you know what time it is?" Okay, he was pissed. I looked at the clock. Shit, it was 3 am. But after Char drove off and I couldn't calm down and my head was a mess. I had to talk to him! After the way he answered I wasn't sure anymore about this. Maybe calling him was a mistake. We haven't spoken to each other for over a week. What the hell was I thinking calling him like that!? I guess now there was no way going back. I breathed in and tried not to cry again. I was doing just fine. I tend to bottle up my emotions, but I could feel that the lid will soon pop and it won't be pretty.

"I got in a big fight with Char and well... " Why was I really calling him? There was nothing he could do now. "Well, I just need a friend now." I was crying and sobbing. I felt disgusted with myself. Patrick shouldn't hear me crying. I was always the one who kept it together no matter what.

There was silence at the other side of the phone.

"I'm really sorry Pat. I didn't mean to run away from you like that. I was afraid, you told me about Blair and everything I had done... I just couldn't bear to look at you after all that. I'm really sorry. I was a bitch to you and ignoring you and your calls and texts was really childish and stupid." I mumbled and couldn't stop words coming. I was pacing around my room, I wasn't able to just sit still in one place. I was way too scared of his answer.

He sucked in a big breath and breathed out. It was his way of calming down. I knew him way too well and this wasn't a good sign.

"It's fine!" He said harshly and I knew that it wasn't. It was far from fine. I could feel tears running down my cheeks and wiped them away harshly.

"I'm really..." Patrick cut me short.

"Sorry? Yeah, me too!" Hi raised his voice and now tears were flowing down. It was like a Niagara waterfall and there was nothing I could do to stop them now.

"Patrick, please..." I was begging. I knew that calling him was a big risk and I had feared that things would end up with him like this, but I didn't want to lose him. I had no one left. I had to make things right. He was too dear to me. I liked him... more than a friend and now I had ruined any chance with him I had.

"You screwed it up Jenn. I don't know if I will be able to talk to you or even see you. You fucked up my relationship with Blair. The truth is that she broke up with me not the other way around. I didn't want to say that to anyone because of my pride, but I guess that it doesn't matter anymore. I needed a friend after that, someone to talk to and take my thought of the break up, but you just hurt me, ignored me and stormed off! I was starting to be okay with us not being friends and all, but now you call me! You have fucked me up real bad, Jenny."

I could hear his voice trembling now and it came in a hushed tone. He wasn't yelling anymore, he only sounded tired and after a moment of silence he spoke again. 

"I do miss you. I miss our friendship and our fun times at the beach, but after everything that happened, it would be for the best if we won't see or talk to each other for a while. Obviously you have some feelings towards me but they are not mutual Don't get me wrong, I do love you but as a friend. You always were more like a little sister to me. And I am sorry to hear about you and Charlotte but if I know you at all then there is one thing that I am totally sure of. You will be fine on your own, you always are. You were pushing everyone away and wanted to be alone. Well, now you got your wish."

"I'm so sorry Patrick. I can't lose you too. I need you. I didn't mean to push you away. I..." I couldn't speak anymore and I had nothing else to say. I just wanted to disappear. Crawl under my blanket and cry. I wanted to stay in the dark forever. Pat's voice brought me back.