CHARADE | Glimmer (THG)

Chapter Sixteen

Trigger warnings: Sexual harassment, Self-hatred, Unwanted physical contact, Feelings of nausea 

The water runs and runs and runs but I can still feel Caesar Flickerman's hands on me. Touching me, feeling me. His voice loud and laughing in my ear as he caresses me. I feel sick. I've been to the toilet twice to throw up but nothing happened. So I sit on the shower floor, arms wrapped tight around myself as the water drums against my head and back, and wait for the sensation to pass.

By the time I emerge dripping from the shower, my skin is raw and wrinkled. I wrap a fluffy towel around myself and then step into the baggiest set of pyjamas that I can ask for from my wardrobe. I lie on my bed and runs my hands across my duvet over and over, and suddenly I wish that Ma was here.

Tears fill my eyes. I wonder how disappointed my family is in me right now. I volunteered for Sapphire thinking that I could do it all. But I haven't killed Snow. My actions have led to the deaths of several Avoxes and guards. People whose names I don't know but who had friends and families waiting for them at home. My plan for the Games is shaky at best and I have more enemies than allies. And the entire nation has seen Caesar Flickerman put his hands all over me whilst I flirt on smile and on stage.

I shudder and grip my duvet closer. I'm a mess. A mess who causes destruction and pain wherever I go. Maybe tomorrow I'll step off that platform before the countdown. I never stood a chance anyway.

There's a knock at my door. "Glimmer, it's me."

Arion. I stay where I am. I don't want anyone seeing me like this, least of all them.

"Can I come in?"

I don't respond and instead try and wipe my eyes which continue to flow.

"I have a message from the girl from District Five."

The words are so quiet that I think I've misheard them. I sigh. How worse can things get? My limbs feel like lead as I get off my bed and move over to the door.

Arion stands hand clasped as I open the door and move aside to let them pass. They wait until I have closed the door behind them, and then they murmur, "Are you alright?"

I shrug, turning slightly so they can't see my tears. "No, but it's the way of the world. What's the message from Finch? The girl from District Five?"

They smile slightly, "She had two actually."

"Oh?" I sit down on my bed and busy myself with straightening my duvet.

"The first was 'See you tomorrow, Princess'."

"In a snarky tone?"

"I think so. It was hard to tell."

"And the second?"

"She wanted me to let you know that from tomorrow Caesar Flickerman will have to start wearing a wig. Permanently."

That brings a smile to my face. I imagine Finch silently stalking Caesar and slipping into his house. How will she do it, I wonder? Shave his head whilst he's asleep? Pour something into his bedtime drink?

Arion sits down on the bed beside me and passes me a pack of tissues. I take one and hastily wipe my eyes.

"I think," They say, "That no matter what happens tomorrow, you'll have at least one ally in that arena." They place their hands gently on my shoulders, "You can do this, Glimmer."

I drop my tissue onto my bed and wrap my arms around Arion. They're bonier than I imagined and I feel them stiffen before they relax, hugging me back. I gaze at their ribboned cloak, the upside-down names of all those that they couldn't save, and I vow that I will not become one of them.