The Madcap Laughs (Pink Floyd/Syd Barrett)

Long Gone

Chapter 9: Long Gone

            My encounter with the golden goddess (I can’t precisely remember her name or even if she told me, for that matter) did little to help me get over Jenny. The truth was that I stilled loved her and I’d never stopped. My plan was to go and see her. I’d ring up Roger to find out where she’s staying.

“Roger?” I spoke into the telephone.

“What is it, Syd?” he sounded a bit concerned.

“Do you know where Jen is staying? I can’t remember what she said… I’d like to go see her.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? She wouldn’t have told me if she didn’t want to see me. I think she still loves me and I love her.”

“She’s sick and I don’t think that your presence would help with her recovery…”

“Please.”

“We all care about her too. That is why I won’t tell you where she’s staying?”

“She’s staying with you, isn’t she?” I asked confidently. He hung up. I rang Nick next. He was always a big softy.

“Hello?”

“Nick, it’s Syd. Do you know where Jen is staying? I want to see her. I love her and I think she still loves me, too.”

“Roger called and said not to tell you.”

“Would you let anything stop you and Lindy from being together?”

“That’s not the same thing, Syd. Jenny’s in recovery.”

“I wasn’t there for her before. I refuse to make that mistake again. I love her.”

“She’s staying at Dave’s. Don’t go over there and bother them and don’t tell Roger I told you.”

“I promise I won’t.” I caught a cab to David’s flat in North London. There was a lot of traffic going through London and it took much longer than I had expected. I had the cabbie drop me off down the street and I walked the rest of the way. I didn’t want to go in just yet. I really just wanted to see if she was just as miserable as I was. The window on the bottom floor was open. I stood very still looking into it. Jenny was lighting up a cigarette. She looked relieved. I don’t think she saw me. David’s voice carried from another room.

“Jen are you smoking?”

“No!” she called back, looking for a place to dispose of the evidence. But Dave got there first.

“Sam said you can’t smoke, your body can’t take it.”

“Come on! Doctors are full of it.” He held his hand out and she gave him the cigarette. “That’s such a waste. I paid a small fortune for those. They were all out of my Crowns.” She glared at David. He put the cigarette in his mouth.

“Then I won’t let it go to waste. Give me the rest.” He said. She threw two packs of cigarettes at him.

“If you’re going to smoke it, at least come and sit next to me so I can smell it.” She patted the couch next to her. I waited for him to say no and go smoke it outside. He didn’t and instead sat next to her. He pulled a straw out of an empty pop bottle on the table.

“Smoke this.” He said, taking a deep drag of the cigarette. The smell drifted outside and I craved one of my own. But the smell would give me away. Jen put her head on Dave’s shoulder. “I know.” He said. But I didn’t know what he knew. A vibrant ray of sun peaked through the London clouds and shone through the window. Jenny lifted her face to bask in the warmth.

“I’m going for a walk.” She announced. A small part of me believed that she had seen me and was using this walk as an excuse to run away with me. I backed around the corner just in case. She burst through the door, David in tow. The small part of me ached. I looked back in the window and saw a strip of film lying on the table next to the window. I reached in and grabbed it. It was a photo strip from one of those booths they had around in malls of sorts. She and David, in the pictures, were making funny faces at the camera. She looked happy and I couldn’t stomach this.

            I walked the opposite way that she had gone. I desperately wanted to see that her heart hadn’t changed and that I still had it. But she had given it away and she wouldn’t give me mine back. It was clear in those few minutes that she was long gone.