July1, 1863
I will be writing these next journals as a recollection of what has happened during the specific time .Maybe one day someone will read this and feel it has been proven useful.
10 Am -The Rebel troops had attacked our union Calvary who were defending the town. 420 brave men lead by a heroic man called Rufus Dawes were outnumbered two to one against the confederates; they held their ground, holding off the troops. I have heard his men were being killed by the 20s and 30s, building in number for every yard they charged forward. I have heard the battle was over in 20 minutes, with the rebel group suffering about 600 casualties and Dawes loss of half his men.
4:30 pm- I remember hearing gunshots firing around us, the men fighting beside me falling down, dead. The union had waved the flag as a sign to retreat; I turned and ran as fast as I can, tripping over wounded and dead soldiers. I remember my uniform falling apart, hand bloody from holding my gun too tight in fear that it might slip. After seven hours of fighting there are not many left, I now know there were over 9000 casualties.
I have killed many today, men who have wives or children, but I cannot bear to think in that manner. I feel as if my humanity is slipping away from me and I am becoming something I fear I will not be able to stop. I have spoken with soldiers and they have advised me to think of a loved one when I am in battle. They speak truth, every time I think about Thomas I feel my humanity come back, the woman I once was. I am lucky to be alive. I hear work going on in the other camps near us. We are preparing for battle tomorrow. The Union has retreated to high ground and by nightfall I can see the confederate flag flying over Gettysburg.
