December 20,1862
I have received a letter from my husband and I cry tears of joy knowing that all is well with him. He has written he loves me and that he cannot bear to be away from me yet he must stay a while longer. He says the union troops have made it through the battle at Fredericksburg with heavy losses. Almost 10,000 soldiers deceased and my heart skips a beat when I run my eyes over the high numbers. He has told me the union has lost this battle due to Burnside asking for a truce to attend the wounded soldiers. This loss has hit hard with many fellow Americans, yet I believe Burnside had done the right thing in order to save more lives.
It has become too much for me to sit here and do nothing. The thought of Thomas never being able to come home is a thought that I cannot have but is always there residing in the back of my mind. These battles have shown me that he does not have an increasing chance of making it out and coming home to me. Therefore I have decided to go to him. I am to impersonate a man and join the union as a soldier, from what I have heard this is not a difficult job. I have gone against my better judgment and will be taking my journal with me. It is an immense risk to be taking my journal, but if what so ever happens to me they shall know my name, Charlotte Smith; Wife of Thomas Smith and therefore know my story. I will not be writing in this journal till I feel it is safe to do so and this might take months. I have made all the arrangements and I can only hope my Thomas does not get to angry with me, but I cannot bear to be apart from him any longer. I pray that the Lord will protect me enough to see my Thomas one last time.
