To my beloved Thomas,
I fear that my days are becoming numbered. Lest I shall say I felt compelled to write a couple of lines that shall fall under your eyes when I am no more. I have been greatly blessed in having been able to survive this long journey I took myself on in order to find you, my loved one. The Battle is becoming worse, I fear, I feel as though death hovers over me, awaiting the perfect moment to take my last breath away.
Our country is at war with itself are own people have been put against us, torn by the fabric of inequality. We are fighting to preserve this country while they are fighting to govern themselves. But I must say a country that is separated and governed by different opposing forces will never be able to stand united in face of struggle. I am sure you know all too well life as a union soldier conceding the fact that you are one. They have moved us back and forth preparing for battle. I must say it has been difficult for me to adjust but I have learned much in the process. I never realized the importance of life to soldier, now I can understand all too well. Life is a gift from God, I have been blessed enough to have met the man I love; you. I have been blessed enough to understand the value of that.
I now understand both sides. The side of the wife; watching her husband leave, smiling for him because the fear of not knowing whether he will come back to her is overwhelming, tears burns her eyes but she must be strong. The side of the soldier; constantly writing all his thoughts into a page because that might be the only thing left of him, embroidering his name in his uniform in fear that he might not be recognized over all the other dead soldiers, writing letters to loved ones because they never know when their last breath will come…
I have never regretted the steps I am taking now for all I have done was only to spend my life with you, whether in our home or somewhere else, it is all the same to me. My love Thomas for I know you too well that I know you will blame yourself, but please do not. It was never in your control, for God had a different plan for both of us. I have lived in fear of dying in the field, never to see you again, but I have grown apart from that now. I accept death with open arms because I now know; my life that I have lived has all been a blessing. Knowing you has been the biggest blessing of all. I invite death with the understanding that I will die for a greater cause that is above us all. I will think of you every second I am in battle, praying that if we cannot meet in this life that we can reunite in heaven for my last breath will be the whisper of your name. I love you to the very fabric of my being for when you feel the wind blow your hair, touching your skin, it will be my soul reaching for yours.
Your beloved wife,
Charlotte Swan Smith
