Ephmera || MYG

21.Killer!

Kim Y/N

"Are you forcing me like the last time?" I clearly knew what he was talking about but I decided to not answer

So Jimin just held my arms and I didn't even wince

He told Yoongi to go and Call for Jin he knew, I wouldn't like to let him know.

"No!" I denied and Yoongi stopped but then Jimin asked Him to call for Namjoon

"Jimin I said no!" I glared at him firm and he just told Yoongi to continue

As Yoongi left he pushed up my sleeves

"Why would you do that again?" Oh no, he sounded broken. But, I have no explanation for him. So I just stared as his beautiful eyes filled with water

"How did you know?" I asked him as he sighed "firstly a long sleeved shirt in this weather, then you drank water which accidentally showed me how red your forearms looked."

"What happened?" Namjoon asked as he entered noticing me  but before he could let Yoongi enter he turned and told him to go and that he'll handle.

"Are those...cuts?" Yoongi let the question out. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want him to know this.

"You should go." So Yoongi turned because indeed he knew nothing of me. But what I really wanted was for him to look out for me, which sadly will never happen.

"So, why Y/N?" Namjoon asked as well as Jimin let go of me and held his forehead but I stared at them instead, I knew nothing to tell them. Jimin held my shoulders and shook me

"I don't know Jimin!" I muttered

"Why?" His voice rose up but, Namjoon signed him to lower it. So, thankfully they didn't want to let others know.

Then I crouched down like a maniac staring at my arms below my elbow filled with cuts

"You know what? The pain of the Broken piece cutting through my skin forming a newly formed blood river is nothing compared to the little girl who cries to get healed inside me everyday. " Indeed I am a Women of scars whose inner happiness vanished for so long.

It was all blank to me all along, until he came. He made me feel butterflies which was not supposed to happen, I feel alive for the first time. This all feels so Forbidden not just because of our positions but the state I'm in. Scared to hurt anyone while bleeding on them.

So, I cried. I let my tears flow like the dried blood "I don't know. I am just so worthless, so unfortunate and unlovable"

I sobbed hiding my face in my palms, "Y/N that incident doesn't define you. You are not the reason for any of them.!" Namjoon tried to reason out.

"You're just saying this to make me feel better. But, how can I believe this when my He..art blames me for.. what .. I did.. to my bel..beloved parents.... for lett..letting monst..monsters consume me.. How can I love myself?" 

"I told you to let me know!" He held my hands tightly as if that would change anything

"Until when!? And become a .... a burden... for both... of you as.. well.? I don't want your pity" I asked him. I knew they cared but, somethings were too much. It felt uneasy to ask for help

"You are not a burden. You are not pitiful you are stronger than you think." Namjoon said as embraced me crouching down as well

"You can not heal others by bleeding on them Y/N. The career you have chosen, is it really going to be okay for others as well?" Namjoon asked as I thought am I really fine to be a doctor? Was I ever? and I knew I couldn't answer him.