Through The Lens of ❤️ [Completed]

Jes

Net kept true to his words. I hardly ever saw him again. He was busy with work, different kinds of filming for commercials and dramas and though he did come over to the house occasionally, I still didn't bump into him.

I was still seeing Kyunn who was fighting an ugly divorce battle with my ex best friend. However, we weren't dating because of love. It was just convenience. She claimed she loved me but did she? Because if she honestly did, she would see how I was suffering. I wasn't like before where I put my all in the relationship. But Kyunn constantly came over, made me meals and we tried to go out on dates. My family definitely didn't want her around so I wasn't allowed to bring her for family events.

My parents' wedding anniversary came up about 6 months later. It was their 30th so they threw a big bash, inviting family and friends. Kyunn threw a fit as she couldn't come and didn't want to let me go but I firmly put my foot down and told her it was my family and an important occasion. If she couldn't make peace with that, she could leave. Kyunn just glared but didn't say a word.

I got dressed and went back to my family home. My parents and Teresa were thrilled to see me though my mom kept lamenting that I had lost weight. I just smiled, patting her cheeks, giving them my present and said I would take the photographs for the night.

I was taking photos when Net came. He came bearing a present for my parents who had grown awfully close to him. My dad smiled seeing him and my mom kissed him heartily. Teresa abandoned her boyfriend for a bit to receive him and me?

I just stood at one corner, using my camera as a way of pretending to take photos and seeing him covertly. He was dressed in a wine red shirt with jeans and sneakers that just made him look so handsome and yet effortlessly casual. I watched as he greeted my parents and gave them the present and offered to help with anything. I saw my dad speak to him and then he came towards me.

I was abit nervous and yet excited and alarmed. He looked at me and smiled a small soft smile.

"Hello P, Uncle told me to help you with taking photographs today. I had brought my DLSR too. I will take photos in the dining and living room and you can focus on the cake cutting and garden side ok?"

I nodded, thanking him softly. He just smiled and went away. We got into our respective roles the whole night and took really nice photos. Once done, as the party died out and everyone started leaving, I decided to go and transfer the photos to my hard drive. Net asked me if I wanted him to transfer his to the hard drive too. I agreed. He was about to take out his USB card for me when my dad  came by.

"We will clean up here. You two can go to Jes's room to work on the transfer of the photos."

"Uhm I don't need to follow him Uncle. I will pass him my USB card and I can help you guys instead."

I didn't say anything, just looking at the ground. But my dad insisted that Net go with me so that we could decide on the photos and only keep the necessary. He didn't take No for an answer and just chased Net off with me.

We went to my room and got to work. I passed Net my other laptop so he could view the photos from his own camera and delete the ones he didn't want to keep. I took out my work laptop and started working on it. We fell into a comfortable silence, working on the photos.

I looked at me as I worked, glancing periodically. He was hard at work, his hair flopping over his face as usual. I turned back to my own work, my heart beating like crazy. Just then, I heard him softly ask, "Haven't you been eating well? You really look like you lost a lot of weight."

I caught the soft break in his voice as he strained to keep it calm and coolly ask me.

"I.. I been eating. I try to. Work has been busy so I haven't been focusing on myself a lot."

"It's good you are getting alot of work but you have to look after yourself too P."

I kept quiet. I was turned away by him the last time when I had tried to express my care and concern for him. But now he was doing the exact same thing and all I did was accept it. I was being selfish. I really wanted him and would do anything to keep him by my side. It was really taking all of me not to just hold him tight or kiss him senseless or even as much as just hold onto him as we did our work.

I was looking at the photos I had taken and Net had appeared in some of them. As I studied the photos, my tears involuntarily came to my eyes. That smile of his, it never reached his eyes no matter how wide his smile was. I just looked at the photos quietly starting to focus if I ever managed to catch Net in every photo if possible.

Suddenly I heard his voice. "Why are you crying P?"

It then hit me my tears had been coming down without me realizing it. I wiped it away, just shaking my head, insisting I was fine. I didn't hear anything from him so I assumed he made peace with my answer. But a few seconds later, Net came and sat next to me, turning me towards him.

"I asked why are you crying?" His voice was getting lower and knew he was getting pissed. I just looked up at him finally.

"I don't know. I don't know if I am crying because of how much I miss you, how much I want you to be by my side, how much I am constantly tearing myself up over my decision to want to protect you and yet finding myself in a relationship with a woman I am completely unhappy with and cannot seem to find myself even going near her. I don't know if I am crying because here we are, next to each other for the last 1 hour or so but completely behaving like strangers. I don't know how to tell you how much  I love you and how much I hate this situation we are in."

I sobbed incessantly as I launched into this verbal diarhoea. Net looked at me, completely stricken. He reached out to hold onto my cheeks and I moved away.

"If.. if you are going to hold me, I am not going to let you go. Then..that makes me the same as Kyunn. Just another person who cheats. I can't do that. To you. You deserve all of me. Not the me who is forced to be with another girl."

Net's hands stopped and he withdrew it back.

"I think I need some time. I will be back. You do..you do your work. I will be back."

With that, I fled the room, going to my study room and barricading myself inside, just crying bitterly. Was I never going to find the happiness I so badly craved?