Dear Obsession

chapter 18

I take off my glasses and place them on the table. I stare intently at my notes in the notepad, but nothing convinces me.

I have to submit a scientific research paper for biology, but I can't achieve the result I'm aiming for.

I glance around my lab desk, at my papers, computer, microscope, test tubes—all illuminated by the large side windows of the room. I start to feel frustrated with everything: with school and my responsibilities, with the prolonged absence of my parents, with what happened a few days ago in Jacob's room.

I ended up finding out that the whole group got too excited and we ended up separating to avoid going back in Thomas's car, the one who had taken us to the bar. I felt horrible because, besides never drinking alcohol, I ended up in his room, sleeping twice in a bed that must have been frequented by dozens of girls, taking a shower there, and leaving in his clothes—clothes that caused a storm of questions about where I slept, with whom, and whose branded clothes they were.

I pack my things into my bag, take off my lab coat, put on my jacket and scarf, and head to the campus bar where a few people are gathered. I tie my hair up with a pencil and open my laptop again. I hear murmurs all around, so I put on my headphones to concentrate better.

I search for articles related to the experiment and try to push away all other thoughts. I highlight, research, and take notes in my notepad.

I feel a shadow approaching and look up, curious to see who it is.

It's none other than Jacob, carrying a plate of pancakes covered in honey and sugar and another plate with two slices of bread topped with avocado and what looks like... chicken. He sets them on the table and goes back to the counter, returning with two cups and a coffee pot. He sits down quietly, and I just observe the situation.

"I'm not going to ask if I can sit." I roll my eyes.

"Well, you already did, didn't you?"

Jacob leans back in his chair. I pretend no one is looking at me, and I pretend he isn't watching me, while I summon all my strength to focus on my work—not on him or the food he brought.

"What are you working on?"

"A project."

"About?"

"Biology."

"May I have the honor t know why you're being so cold to me?"

I pause what I'm doing. My cheeks feels hot, and I face Jacob.

"what you're doing here?"

"I saw you here for a long time and thought you might want something to eat..."

My foot starts tapping up and down.

"They're my favorites..."

Jacob smiles faintly.

"I know."

I widen my eyes.

"You're very observant... Thank you."

I smile sincerely. As soon as I take the first bite, I realize how hungry I was. My stomach growls, and Jacob bursts out laughing. I ignore his grin, and we continue eating in silence.

"Why are you here, Jacob? Surely it's not just to feed me."

Jacob sips his coffee slowly.

"I want to talk about the other day."

I put down my fork and knife and cross my arms to hiding my embarrassment.

"Listen, about that day...it's as if it didn't happen. I thanked you then, and I'll thank you again now for taking care of me, but I prefer to forget it because it was ridiculous. I'm being even more ridiculous by criticizing my actions now, to be honest. So, I'd like it if neither you nor your friends shared those events. I have an important role in this school that I don't want to be the theme of people that think I was just another one of the many girls you sleep with."

Jacob studies me deeply, seeming to absorb my words with intensity. He adjusts himself in his chair.

I clear my throat and continue. "I still don't understand what you find so interesting about me, as you said before, but I won't be swept up by your intentions, whatever they may be."

I felt so ungrateful for saying that, considering he took care of me, but still, I just said what I honestly thought about the whole situation.

Jacob sets his coffee cup down and looks at me casually.

"I deserve to hear that."

I look at him questioningly.

"What?"

"I deserve to hear what you're saying...all these words, all these assumptions. I deserve it. I'm fully aware that I'm not perfect and that I have a reputation. I know people talk, but I couldn't care less about other's opinions. I know what I do, and that is what matters to me."

I avert my eyes, feeling uncomfortable.

"I didn't mean to be cruel... I was just expressing my opinion."

Jacob smiles slightly.

"You were honest. And there's nothing wrong with that." He interlocks his fingers and leans forward.

"Now, your opinion...if you want to know, yes, it matters to me. You don't want anyone to know? No one will. Now, don't let that pretty little head of yours get caught up in all the bullshit people say about others, because you'll never know if those same people don't do the same about you. I don't want anything from you, Amber, and I've already told you. You've always fascinated me, and I'd like us to get along. Also, you slap hard, and I don't want another one."

We both laugh.

"I didn't expect you to be like this." I take a sip of coffee. He does the same.

"Thank you for the brunch and for what you did for me. And sorry, Jacob," I say, looking down in embarrassment. "For accusing you of something you didn't do and for slapping you twice in public...it wasn't right, and I haven't been acting correctly. I'm sorry."

Jacob tilts his head and looks at me silently.

His phone starts ringing, and soon he's standing, picking up his now-empty plate.

"It's okay. You never really know how people are. I think it's very hard to know. I have to go. I enjoyed your company and our conversation, love. See you later."

I watch him walk away and sigh.

I have so much on my mind. It feels like everything is happening so quickly and all at once.

I try to focus on my work, but my brain keeps thinking about Jacob and his striking words.

—-
hi friends!
this one is a little longer
hope you like it more is about to come...
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