Dear Obsession

Chapter 21

The muscles in my legs were burning, my heart was racing, and my breathing was completely out of control, but that wasn't what stopped me from running around the rugby field on the athletics track.
It was nearly seven in the morning, and I had already been here for over an hour and a half.

"Special? You're bloated, Amber. Your hips look deformed in that photo. And the smile... exaggerated. You're not a Moretti to show yourself like that."

"Emotions don't pay bills or clean up the family name. If you want to be an icon of freedom and confidence, start by losing weight and learn to shut your mouth sometimes."

My mother's words echoed in my head over and over and over again, and the rage inside me only made me run faster, even though exhaustion was almost completely taming me.
In my headphones, was blasting "Temperature" by Sean Paul fueling me to keep going.

In the distance, I saw a group of big and muscular boys near the entrance to the school gym. I assumed it was the rugby team getting ready for training.
Still, I wasn't ready to stop. I needed to lose weight. Now.
If my mother saw another picture of me next week and called again, I don't think I could take it.
I'd have to give another speech to confirm the volunteer work and talk about other important things, and I couldn't be overweight.

On the brink of collapse, I finally stopped. A wave of heat and haze washed over my body. I could barely see anything. I was gasping, struggling to control my breathing. Panic took over as I tried to leave the track.
So I stopped, closed my eyes, and tried to calm myself.

Inhale and exhale, Amber.
Inhale and exhale.

Tears began sliding down my cheeks as I inhaled and exhaled uncontrollably. I felt a shadow approach me, but I physically couldn't force myself to look up.

The shadow crouched down beside me, and two large hands rested on my shoulders.
"Hey, girl, you okay? Clearly not. Try to breathe slowly, yeah?"
He cupped my cheek with one hand to make me look at him. When I finally met his gaze, I saw Collyn's face, filled with concern — so unlike him.
Collyn was always laughing and making jokes, and seeing him like this made me even more nervous.

"Breathe, Amber, please. What were you thinking, girl? Looks like you're trying to melt the track with all that effort."
He took something from his backpack — a bottle of water — and poured some into his hand. Then he gently dabbed my face to cool me down, and the gesture instantly helped.

"Here, a little free freshness to cool you off." He pointed to himself to lighten the mood, and it was working.

"I-I t-think I'm g-getting b-better..."
"Yeah, you better be. Otherwise Jay will kill both you and me." He gave me a small smile and handed me the bottle. I took a few sips. I was slowly feeling better, and it helped me calm down.
Collyn helped me to my feet, and we started walking slowly off the field.

"Come on, let's grab something to eat to get your energy back."

He helped me sit on the school café terrace and went inside to get some food. I drank a bit more water, and my breathing improved a lot. I was very grateful for his help — and even more surprised by his words.

What did he mean by that?
"Yeah, you better be. Otherwise Jay will kill both you and me."

"Here." Collyn handed me some toast and a fresh orange juice, while he had a plate full of scrambled eggs and another with yogurt and raspberries.

"Thanks... for the help. And the food."
Collyn sat down casually and smiled.

"You're more than welcome" he winked pulling a cigarette in his mouth. "Not everyone gets the privilege of sharing breakfast with the legend named Collyn."
He pointed to himself and closed his eyes with a mischievous grin that made me laugh.