nightlife ● enhypen

love

After a twenty minute shower in boiling hot water, I felt a lot better. I returned to the room to put the dirty clothes away. It was quiet so I assumed that Sunoo was asleep. I turned to leave the room when I heard a sniffle. I stayed, concerned.

"Hey Sunoo, are you okay?" I sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his arm. He rolled over to face me and I caught sight of a bunch of scratches littered across his face accompanied by tears streaming from his eyes.

"Sunny! Are you okay?!" I asked with a bit more urgency now, pulling him up to a sitting position. Only now did I notice that he was sobbing so hard that his shoulders shook and his nose and cheeks were a bright red color. I took my thumbs and wiped his tears away only for them to be replaced not even a second later.

"Wait here and I'll get the first aid kit for your cuts." I stood up heading to the door when a hand stopped me.

"No. Please don't go." Sunoo pleaded, wrapping his hands around my waist. I could still feel the sobs rake through his body, as he rested his forehead on my back. "Please."

"Oh Sunny, I won't go anywhere." I faced him and held him close to my body, raking my fingers through his hair. He smells of faintly alcohol.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Angel." I shushed him trying to calm him down; although I'm not too sure why he's apologizing.

"It's okay Sunny."

"No it's not." He pulled away to look at me. "I'm really sorry Isis, please I just don't want to lose you." The use of my real name revealed the seriousness of the situation. I sat back down on the bed, caressing his cheek.

"Sunoo, what's wrong? You're not gonna lose me. What are you so sorry about?" He scoffed sadly.

"Isis. I don't feel like I have been acting particularly fair towards you recently. I know you've noticed how I've been acting recently. All of the quippy responses and how short-tempered I've been recently. And I know it makes you sad. Even still I can't help myself. I'm really sorry."

He's right. I have noticed, but I hoped that it was only my imagination. Or maybe I like Sunoo so much that I was willing to overlook how he's been acting. Thinking back, all of this started before the other guys came into the mix. It started the night I kissed him.

"You know what, actually I think I'm partially to blame." I admitted. He shook his head.

"No—"

"No, you listen to me." I insisted. "Ever since that day at the club, things have been different between us. No matter how much we try and act like things are the same, things are not the same. And it's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you that night and just assumed that you'd want that. And instead of fixing things, our small issues turned into bigger ones." I sighed grabbing up his hands in mine.

"Sunoo, I'm sorry if it feels like I'm pushing my feelings off on you or if I've made you uncomfortable. I know you don't like me...in that way. If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself from coming onto you like that." I broke eye contact with him afraid of what he'd say. I never wanted anything to change between us. Honestly, Sunoo has been my safe place ever since I'd gotten into night life. The idea of him being mad at me after it happened and changing how he treated me since then hurt, a lot.

Seconds passed in silence, causing me to slowly look up from where I had trained my eyes to the floor, to meet Sunoo's eyes. He looked like he had something to say but he said nothing. I was suddenly frightened by the silence causing me to shoot off at the mouth once again.

"Uh, maybe we should act like the kiss never happened." I suggested. This had been my plan all along but quite frankly I am very scared, terrified even, of losing Sunoo. So I'm willing to do whatever it takes to restore our friendship. The stillness of the room began to make me feel restless and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes once again, but this time from anxiety. I turned to stand from the bed, begging for a release from the heavy tension. Before I could stand to my feet, I felt Sunoo's hands shoot out and grab my shoulders.