The Punk and the Ballerina

Not Part of the Plan

Ari's point of view. May 2008.

I ended up sleeping once I got home, my dad having to wake me up for dinner. He thought it was odd I was napping in the middle of the afternoon. That surprise nap did wonders for me, I had a bolt of energy and suddenly wanted to eat everything. I ate everything on my plate, must've been the flu.

I even slept a full night. Whatever was going on me, it appeared to be passing.

                                                                                 ***

Sebastian's party was a success, he looked so handsome in his cap and gown. His parents took thousands of pictures of him with his diploma. He did it, he graduated high school, early, and was going to go on tour. The love of my life was getting his dream.

He embraced me. "Glad you're feeling better. Don't want my precious flower hurling on my graduation gown."

I chuckled. "I could've been bleeding profusely and I still would've made it."

I watched an amazement as Sinful Joy took pictures, their families looking over the moon. Their sons were achieving their impossible dreams and they supported them and helped them get here. A part of me wished my parents were here to celebrate, prove to them Sebastian was going to be successful, not a loser like they wrongly claimed.

As the party faded, Sebastian and I sat on his porch. With the tour coming up, we still had yet to discuss what we were going to do.

"I'll wait for you, we should be home in late July," his hand rested on my knee.

I wasn't set to move to New York until September, buying us time together. "I understand if you don't think we can do long distance, but you know I'll try anything."

Hope burned in his eyes. "That's what I love about you, your stubbornness and tenacity."

Since we started dating, Sebastian's vocabulary had improved. He was reading more and finding new words he liked and tried using them in conversations and even in his songs.

We had a long hug goodbye. Tomorrow him and Sinful Joy would be traveling to LA to start rehearsing for Warped. As much as I would miss him, I was excited for him to get out of Berkeley, see what the world could offer him. He was about to start an incredible adventure he had worked for.

                                                                                          ***

One month later.

I finally graduated high school. It didn't feel real, the whole ceremony happening so fast in a celebratory blur. Where did the last twelve years go? I was almost eighteen and about to move across the country to start my dance career, it's almost like I was watching one life end and another one start.

My family took so many pictures, I lost count after twenty. I managed to avoid Mali and Olivia, opting to take pictures with Kelly, Natasha, and Parker, my true friends. Sebastian's mother even showed up to support us, taking pictures with her disposable Kodak camera. I was considered popular in school that my parents didn't even question the who or why with my pictures, ignorance was truly bliss.

I posed in photos with Bianca and Lily, Bianca now being taller than me. Lily added pink highlights to her dark hair for the occasion (Mom rolled her eyes when Lily came home one day with new hair).

I kept in contact with Sebastian, he even texted me a congrats text. I missed him but knew he was going to have an amazing time in LA.

I managed to secure two more scholarships, leaving only about one thousand dollars left to pay off for my tuition (I was already dreading buying textbooks). Everything had gone to plan. I was going to New York and most of my education was paid off. I was eager to start my new chapter, be in a new place with new people, dancing as a career.

After going out to eat with my family (Chic of course), I felt queasy on the car ride home. Shit. Not again. Did I eat too much? Food poisoning? Nerves? I managed to keep everything down until we got home.

Once I was inside, I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. All the French food came back out. Something wasn't right. Chic never made me sick. I saw the wrapping of a tampon in the trash. When was the last time I had my period? I looked in the mirror. Were my boobs bigger? My stomach looked the same.

No. It couldn't be.

Bianca softly knocked on the door. "Ari?"

I took a deep breath before I finally pulled her in the bathroom. "I threw up."

She somehow knew my fear. "Do you have your period?"

I shook my head, tears pricking my eyes.

Bianca took me in. "Please tell me you're not pregnant."

Pregnant. I couldn't be pregnant. I had too much stuff going on. There was no way I was pregnant, no freaking way. Sebastian always used condoms.

Except for that one time.

Flashback. May 2008.

Sebastian was on top of me. Sweaty and love in his eyes. His hair was messy, he looked so gorgeous when he was undone, naked, and all for me. His mom was working that night, we had the house to ourselves. He had rock music playing as we made love in his bedroom. "Friday I'm in Love" by the Cure was his favorite tune to play as we melted into each other.

"I love you my charm," he sighed. "Shit, I think that was our last condom."

I was close to orgasming that I didn't care. I wanted him inside me again. "Can you pull out?"

He nodded before he finally inserted himself inside me. We both moaned as we came. Sebastian removed himself from me, as much as I wished he could stay there. He dripped on my thigh. He wiped the cum off me before he collapsed next to me.

I always slept better in his arms.

I thought about that night, the last time we made love. I knew he pulled out, but how safe was it? I knew I should've gotten birth control, but how could I do that without my parents knowing? I was mentally kicking myself for my own stupidity and naivety.

"My health teacher says one in five women will get pregnant by the pull out method," Bianca said with her arms crossed. I think her disappointment was far worse than my parents'.

I prayed I wasn't the one. I kept telling myself my period was just late again.

"Tomorrow we'll get a pregnancy test," she decided.

Pregnancy test. This was getting too real. I paced the room. My life and future were hanging in the balance all based on my carelessness.

Bianca grabbed my hands. "It's gonna be okay. I'll support you no matter what."

I barely slept. All I could do was think about the possibility of being pregnant. What would I do? Could I get an abortion? How would Sebastian react? Oh god, my parents would kill me. This was the worst timing.

Bianca had started working as a babysitter and had some money saved. She was generous enough to buy me a test without our parents knowing. Not wanting to take any chances of getting caught, I took the test in the pharmacy bathroom.

I managed to pee enough to make the test work. I walked back and forth so much I exhausted myself in the bathroom as we waited, I'm sure Bianca was tired just watching me pace endlessly. Bianca had the box in her hands, ready to read the results.

The three minutes dragged on and on. Just when I thought the test was defective, two pink lines appeared on the screen.

Positive.