The Punk and the Ballerina

Five Years Later

Ari's point of view. March 2013.

Five years later. Joplin finally fell asleep. Another night of Disney movies, it always knocked her out. She was asleep in her Tangled bed. She was growing her hair out to be like Rapunzel, it was almost down to her butt. I sighed happily as I saw her long brown hair matted on the pillow.

I didn't have work that night and I was relieved. I hated my job. I was still dancing...but not on Broadway or in music videos. I was an exotic dancer for a club. It's not something I'm proud of, but I was willing to swallow my pride for my daughter. After I got kicked out of my parents' house, I focused on being a mom. I cried the first time I saw my baby on the ultrasound. My little seahorse, I fell in love. I named her Joplin Winter Townsend. Joplin was named after Janis Joplin, Sebastian's favorite female singer. He introduced me to her music and I got lost in her raspy, soulful voice. I think he would approve of her name.

It took me two months to get a new cellphone, which gave me a new number. Sebastian's personal MySpace was gone, he deleted it. He probably deleted me from his heart. His band blew up after Warped, releasing their first album that has since gone platinum. I was so proud of his success...I couldn't take it away from him. If he knew he had a child, that would be the end of his career just as it was starting. I already ruined my dream, I wasn't going to ruin his. Joplin was my new dream and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I still wasn't speaking to my parents. My mom disowned me and now Bianca was the golden girl. Dad has tried to contact me but I have no interest in talking to him. He should've stuck up for me, I was still his daughter even if I was stupid and pregnant. I looked at Joplin and could never abandon her.

I ended up moving in with my aunt Trista. She welcomed me with open arms and helped me every step of my pregnancy. She and Bianca threw me a baby shower. Bianca and Lily were proud aunts, I never had to question their loyalty. They gave up years ago trying to repair the broken relationship between me and our parents. Aunt Trista even tried to help, but I just had no interest in fixing what they severed. Their goals were more important than my happiness...and their granddaughter. Fuck them.

After about four months of working at the club, I managed to save enough money to get a small one bedroom apartment for Joplin and I. She was a year old by then. Of course I gave her the bedroom while I slept in the living room on the pull-out couch I found on Craigslist. Aunt Trista and my sisters disapproved of my job, but respectfully didn't lecture me. Trista suggested I go to college but I had no idea what I wanted to study, all I know how to do is dance, look how useful it was for me now.

I fell asleep on the couch. I dreamed of Sebastian playing guitar to Joplin. She was wearing a crown similar to Rapunzel. I woke up, my heart feeling empty. Nights like these were hard, I missed Sebastian and what he was missing with Joplin. I still loved him and wished we could've had that final conversation, maybe things would've worked out.

I cried myself to sleep, the only time I let myself do this so Joplin wouldn't see. The less she knew, the happier she would be.

                                                                                        ***

Joplin was eating cereal while watching television. I was trying to pay an overdue bill that morning before I dropped her off at preschool. Then I heard his voice.

"My serendipity,

My absolutely,

My sure fire certainty.

My sweet serendipity..."

I turned and saw Sinful Joy's music video. I forgot I left the tv on Vh1. Joplin loved watching music videos, she liked rock music, just like her father. She was head banging to the rock ballad...the ballad he wrote for me. My heart crumbled in my chest. His music was everywhere and it was nearly impossible to avoid it. The more I heard him, the more it stung.

I changed the channel to Nick Jr.

"Hey!" Joplin protested.

Needed a quick lie. "Sorry honey, mommy has a headache." Even though the cartoon voices on kid shows were an even bigger migraine; it's like they make the voices purposely annoying to the parents.

"Oh," she said quietly before reaching up to kiss my head. God she was sweet.

She finished her cereal then ran to brush her teeth. She was responsible and easy to raise. I might've been a teen mom, but I was a damn good mom to her.

I drove Joplin to preschool. How was she four already? She had her birthday last month, Tangled themed of course. She had a lot of friends from school. I hoped she was nice to every kind of kid, not just the popular ones, didn't want her to make the same mistakes I made. But Joplin was already showing signs of being friendly and kind to everyone, waving to strangers on the street. She knew better than to take things from them or to leave with strangers, but we agreed she could wave to them. Heck, she waves to the homeless, once giving a man the last of her change. My heart.

"I love you mommy," she yelled as she ran out of the car. She loved school.

I watched her prance to the school door where her best friend Penelope was standing with her mom.

A parent walked by wearing a Sinful Joy t-shirt. No matter where I went, I was reminded of him, especially when I looked at Joplin's dark green eyes.