My Flower

Chapter 35 - Self Exile

~ ~ ~ 1999

   After Blossom had reached home, being silent the entire ride back, walked through the front door and immediately fell apart in front of her mom. Natalie, had listened with patient understanding, stroking Blossom's hair and back, offering quiet comfort as her daughter poured out her insecurities and what happened at the mall. Blossom had even confessed, voice barely above a whisper, that maybe, just maybe, that bet could have worked. And the terrifying truth was that she did have feelings for Hunter, feelings she now had to bury deep within her, as though they were toxic.

   Ethan had been her rock the day of and day after the mall, his normally outgoing personality replaced with a gentle attentiveness. He'd even canceled plans with his friends to spend time with her, a sacrifice Blossom knew was borne of a quiet understanding of her pain. She knew why Ethan was acting this way. It was because something had happened between him and his best friend Chance a little over a week ago that he wouldn't explain and it was clear he was hurting. They weren't talking anymore and it was the same situation with her and Hunter. Yet, Blossom hadn't been there for Ethan in the same way that he was there for her. Another example of the selfish monster she knew she was.

   School on Tuesday was a chaotic buzz of activity. Homecoming was just around the corner, and students were busily transforming the gym into a shimmering wonderland. Rumors had swirled about a meteor shower that was expected to grace the sky that very night, and some claimed that kissing beneath its celestial embrace would guarantee a couple's eternal happiness. Blossom scoffed at the fairytale notion, at the cruel irony that fate had dealt her. "Eternal happiness? What a joke."

   The night of the homecoming dance was also the supposed to be the last day of her and Hunter's bet. It felt as if fate was rubbing salt in the wound.

   She tuned out Janet and Elena's excited chatter about dresses and dates, the meteor shower myth a topic of heated debate between the two girls. Normally Lily would be right next to her, rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of it all, but Lily had been distant since whatever had happened with Chance. They passed each other occasionally in the halls, but Lily always looked away to avoid her and hung off Fred's arm, being as Chance was out sick. Blossom added into her little circle that she wasn't planning on going to the dance, but the two girls were too engrossed in their own plans to even notice.

   Blossom decided to grab the necessary things from her locker before her last class. When she closed the metal door a boy she recognized from her math class stood beside her, a nervous smile playing on his face. He complimented her outfit as he clutched a bouquet of roses. "Would you maybe want to go to the homecoming dance with me?" He asked.

   It had become a daily occurrence since the fallout with Hunter. Every day, at least five guys asked her to the dance, their hopeful faces quickly turning to rejection. She'd given each of them the same answer: a polite, yet firm, no. She was too battered by her own internal demons to care about their feelings, and she responded the same way to this boy before he walked away with a sad expression.

   Hunter was waiting for her at the end of the hall, his eyes hopeful as he tried to engage her in a conversation. But Blossom ignored him, just putting her head down and walking to her classroom. She wasn't ready to talk to him, not yet.

   The bell rang, its shrill sound adding to the symphony of her internal turmoil. Blossom walked to her algebra class, determined to focus on numbers and equations, anything to silence the echoes of her heart. But as she sat at her desk, the familiar ache returned, a dull throbbing behind her eyes. She could only think of Hunter. The late phone calls, their back and forth banter, even how corny he could be. She missed was already missing him and it had only been 2 days. It was a pain she had to bare.

   The last bell rang with a deafening sound, freeing them from the last class for the day. Blossom walked aimlessly through the halls not knowing where exactly to go. The halls were filling with students again to practice for their respective homecoming events. She weaved through the busy hallways ignoring the glances she got from other students. It wasn't everyday that a popular girl was moping around all alone.

   Blossom stepped outside and was thankful for the cool breeze that welcomed her from the warm school. It was another day she had survived. Hunter was leaning against the brick wall of the school waiting for her, his expression a mixture of hurt and determination. He opened his mouth to talk but before he could say anything Blossom shook her head at him.

   "Don't," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "Don't come near me. I can't, Hunter, I just can't." She spoke to him as she walked past him, not stopping as she got onto her bike and began the ride home.

   Hunter watched her ride away, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew it wasn't over, but for now, he had to give her space. Blossom's words, though spoken in a voice that was barely above a whisper, were the cruelest thing, each syllable like a punch to the gut. Despite how she tried to appear, she didn't think she could last much longer without him. If things continued like this she wasn't sure how long until she lost it. She knew it was not a healthy habit to rely on one person for most of your happiness but it just turned out that way.

   Blossom could feel her own heart break all over again as she rode home. The weight of her decisions pressed down on her, and the fear that she had messed up something significant gnawed at her.

   Home felt like a haven, but even her room couldn't fully shield her from the raw edges of her emotions. She flopped down on her bed, staring at her ceiling as she tried to control the tears that were building up. She was a failure; a failure at relationships, a failure at being a good friend, a failure at everything she attempted to do.

   The weight of her decisions weighed her down. The self-imposed exile, the distance she was putting between herself and Hunter, the avoidance she was practicing was not for him but it was for her and the fact that she couldn't forgive herself for her own actions. Blossom couldn't shake the feeling of a missed opportunity, a love that was slipping through her fingers. The meteor shower was supposed to signal forever, but all she could feel was the loneliness of her own self-inflicted exile. The promise of the night felt more like a threat.