The Book Of Me & You

"Being Torn In Two Never Comes Out Clean"

"Why me?" She whispered to her shoes, head bent down to avoid his eyes.

His brow furrowed in confusion, "what?"

Taking in a deep breath, Amy lifted her head and met his eyes, her voice weak and hoarse as she questioned him, "Why did you choose me, Ricky? Out of all the other girls at that band camp... Why me?"

Ricky's eyes were glassy, a tear rolling down his cheek.
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Tiptoeing over all the disarray of the small apartment, she was quiet, hands clasped together tightly against her lips to catch the tears sliding down her cheeks. The blue digits on the clock above the stove read 3:23. She couldn't sleep, too conflicted about everything, and everyone, to be at peace.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Much too quiet for their lives. No babies crying, or things banging together, or some other kind of loud noises.

Silence and quiet gave her anxiety. It was what her parents did when she was little before the chaos started; before the fights, and the yelling, and her dad sleeping on the couch while her mom slammed their bedroom door and she heard her cry behind it. She once heard her mother say to her dad that she felt trapped by him and by a life she got thrust into. It never really resonated with her... until now.

Now it made perfect sense why her mother pushed her so hard to go to Hudson... she didn't want her to end up like her - miserable and unhappy.

Before she even registered what she was doing, she'd made it into their children's shared bedroom.

Stopping in the middle of the room, Amy took a shaky breath coupled with a small hiccup, trying to bury the urge to scoop them both up into her arms and take in their calming presence in hopes that it would make her decision easier. But she knew that waking them wasn't wise. If she cradled them, she'd never be able to let them go, and all it would do is wake them and upset them that she would soon be gone again. And as angry and hurt as she was, she couldn't do that to him.

So she stood there instead, drawing in short, exhales to calm herself. Seeing them nestled in their beds, asleep to the harsh realities of life... was getting to be too much. They were so peaceful; so innocent; deep in slumber and oblivious to the storm raging behind their shared four walls.

The storm their parents were swept up in.

She stood there for several more minutes, just watching them. Taking in as much of the calm as she could and etching the moment into her mind. She needed to remember that moment forever.

A small whine drew her attention back, zeroing in with a held breath that the once snoozing baby wouldn't see her and wake. Thankfully, Emma just rose her head for a second before she settled again and fell back to sleep.

Biting her thumbnail, Amy slowly started to take steps backward, keeping her eyes locked on them as she fought herself from crumbling to the floor. The pain in her chest was getting sharper as she shut the door softly and braced against the wall. Sobbing silently to herself, her mind began to plague her; showcasing flashes of their happy moments together across every inch of that small apartment.

It took a couple of minutes of bobbing and waving through the apartment before they managed to catch her in the kitchen next to the sink. John gripped onto her shirt smearing chocolate all over it as Ricky smeared some on her face. She gasped, and grabbed some off her face, throwing it at him, appalled he actually did what he did. "I can't believe you did that!"

He smirked, tossing their son into the air as he continued to cackle, little bits of cake falling to the floor. "I think someone wants to give their mama a hug, huh buddy?"