My girl

30

I try to sleep but I can't alessias words keep replaying in my head "will we ever get out happy ending?" "No Alex" "I need to prioritise myself for once" playing several times. I knew it was for the best my chest tightens as tears stream down my face, I normally never cared about what others thought but I wanted i needed alessia, she was someone I couldn't replace and if never be able to.

I got about 2 hours most I walk down and everyone had warmed up and I wasn't getting evils anymore from anyone apart from Ella and Mary which was understandable and I just took it.
I walk to the breakfast bar getting granola and an orange juice before sitting on my own on the table facing the wall, I eat my breakfast while scrolling through my phone seeing the occasional hate tweet but I tried to block it out knowing everything that happened I deserved.
We didn't have training today just recovery I walk with Millie Beth and Rachel but not dealing engaging in the conversation more in my own world thinking about alessia and how I can make this right. I keep walking until we get to the ice bath and recovery room I take off my T-shirt my abs on show which gets a couple of glances which I shrug off but there was only one ice bath free the one with alessia in. I lean against the wall to wait not wanting to disturb alessia. Until sarina walks in telling me to get in I nod as I climb in but keeping my distance which was hard to do I didn't look at her knowing if I did I'd just be heartbroken and I didn't want to cry infront of everyone, alessias phone was buzzing and she smiled when she opened it. She couldn't have a new girlfreind already could she it's been 3 months but still..

I catch a glimpse of her texts and in fact it was a new girlfreind 'Katie' and then I realise it was Katie McCabe who's ment to be my mate I sigh trying to hold back tears but I couldn't I get out the ice bath storming out slamming the door I get to my room as I close and lock the door and I sink to my knees my breathing heavy's my chest hurts and I felt numb knowing alessia really doesn't love me anymore tears stream down my face and I felt sick. I was angry at Katie she knew I wanted alessia back and she goes and gets with her thank god it's the last day of camp.

I lean against the wall as I sigh the door knocks as Beth walks in my best mate
"Oh al" she says as she hugs me tears stream down my face
"Alessias with Katie." I say as she looked stunned
"What?" She says as I nod.
"Oh al" she hugs me again as I sigh
"I cant wait for camp to be over" I admit as she raises an eyebrow
"But al, you just have to see them at arsenal anyways" she says, oh shit yeah
"I'm sure I'll manage" I say as I stand back leaning against the wall
"Why do I do this why do I fuck things up why did I sleep with Leah she's got nothing on alessia! Why did I do it if not then I'd still be happy with alessia! Why did I ruin it" I shout as Beth nods
"Yeah well you need to move on" Beth says as she walks out she adds "Alessia did now you need to" and with that she disappears down the hallway I needed to move on.

I was broken and I needed MY alessia