GABRIELLE
IT WAS so cold. I could feel the danger that lurked behind the glares of the darkness in the corner of my room. With the haunting lullaby of the wind outside my room, my heartbeat ricocheted into a crying madness.
I wanted to open my mouth— to cry for help. But I knew that no one would hear me. The streets were dead. Mama was probably asleep, and even if she wasn't, she wouldn't be able to help me. She was not fine. If she wasn't drunk, she was asleep. If she was awake, she was drunk. It was always between the two.
To see her sober was something I never experienced since Papa died. It was as if she emerged herself into the spectrum of melancholia— an unending torture of self-blame and loneliness. I couldn't tell what was inside of my head. I couldn't tell what words were running into my head because he would punish me. He did not like hearing me talk. He said he would kill me if I talked much.
He said I was annoying.
He said I was nothing but a pest in the house.
He wasn't wrong though. I was nothing but a pest.
When my Father was still alive, he would carry me around like a princess. The little memories of my father were the things that made me smile every day— but I had to do it without his surveillance. He said he would cut my tongue off if he would see me smile.
My heartbeat skyrocketed when I heard something behind my door. It was already locked. I also pushed my tiny table against it just to prevent anyone from getting in if ever they got the key to my room. My lips trembled when I heard the doorknob being cranked left and right.
Someone was trying to get in.
And that was the end of my dream— my nightmare. A nightmare that constantly thrashed me when I was asleep. I wanted to remove it from my head. I wanted to forget it. But I just couldn't.
It lingered in my head like a plague slowly eating my sanity up.
"You look like you didn't sleep a wink last night," puna ni Kaye noong nagsimula siyang ayusan ako.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked worse than someone who hadn't slept a wink for a day. The dark circles under my eyes were visible. Sabado na ng hapon at naghahanda na kami para mamaya sa Halloween Party namin.
"Mabuti nalang talaga at maganda ka," she tapped the brush on my nose, "May lahi ka ba, Gabby? You look like a Korean, to be honest,"
I shook my head, "W—wala naman,"
She shrugged and continued applying make-up on my face. While she was busy doing that, my focus was all on the materials in front of me. I loved makeup, I loved all the girly things in front of me. Sabi ko nga, kung mayaman lang ako at may pera, bibili ako ng maraming makeups galing sa iba't ibang brands.
Light lang ang nilagay ni Kaye sa aking mukha. Sabi niya kasi, hindi ko naman na kailangan ng sobrang makeup. When I saw the result, I fell in love with the look I had right now. It was a dream. Alam kong sobrang simple lang naman 'to pero sobra kong saya dahil naranasan ko rin ang ganito. Was I being dramatic? Maybe, but I didn't care. I always wanted to see myself wearing makeup.
"Sobrang ganda mo talaga," Kaye said while handing me my costume, "Sobrang angelic ng features mo. Sobrang bagay 'yang damit na binili natin para sa 'yo,"
Kinuha ko naman ang damit at pumasok sa kaniyang banyo. As I entered her bathroom, awe perched on my chest as I wandered my eyes around. Her room was even larger than our house. May mga bagay rin dito na hindi ako pamilyar. Nakakatakot nga at baka makabasag ako.
