GABRIELLE
IT WAS there again. The figure that watched me behind the curtain of shadows at the corner of my room, glaring, ready to pounce on me once I lost my guard. The darkness that encapsulated the room almost made me choke to death. I could not breathe; I could not find the strength to move; I could not find the power to even cry for help.
I was at it again. In a cage filled with darkness, shadows danced around like demons ready to corrupt me. My throat closed in, my chest caved in, and everything seemed tight and unbreathable. Everything felt exhausting and draining. I couldn't stay still, I might die in suffocation.
This was just a nightmare.
It had always been.
Wake up! I cried. I needed to wake up. I needed to see the light. Darkness had been my companion since that night. The whispers of demons had been my perturbing song that constantly swirling in my senses. How could I wake up when the talons of the demons were semented on my feet?
But . . . was this really a nightmare? Or the reality? It was so hard for me to distinguish what was reality and what was not. My life was a perpetual spectrum of disaster, desolation, and endless thoughts of envy— either in my nightmares or in my dreams.
Maybe, I was a lost cause. Maybe, this would be my life until the last drop of my tears, until the last sob from my lips, and the last air I would breathe in. I would always be a woman who chose to cage herself into the darkness because, sometimes, the darkness felt safer than the light. Because in the light, you can easily be seen and captured. In the darkness, you can play with shadows while running away from the demons.
Maybe, after everything, I liked the darkness.
And when I totally accepted the embrace of the darkness, my body sagged into the realm of my reality. My eyes abruptly opened, and the first thing I felt was the bullets of sweat decorating my forehead, and my throat felt dry. Did I shout again while I was asleep? Probably, no. Kasi kung sumigaw or umiyak ako habang tulog, sigurado akong pupuntahan ako ni Lola.
When I completely lost the ability to get back to sleep, I rose from the bed, grabbed my eyeglasses and looked around. Darkness everywhere. Shadows stretched from corner to corner. Everything was black only the sliver of moonlight filtered through the window that sliced through the darkness. I was about to move out of bed when I heard my phone vibrate. I grabbed it and saw the name of the man who was constantly disturbing the tiny bit of peace in my head.
From: Zerachiel
What happened? What did you dream of? You had a nightmare again?
Shit. I almost forgot that he had secret cameras placed somewhere in my room. He saw it, but he was clueless. He did not know everything— which was good. I didn't want him to know what was behind my curtains.
I ignored his text message and walked out of my room. Napansin ko ang ilaw na nakabukas sa bandang kusina, at alam ko na nagluluto na si Lola ng umagahan namin. Nagmadali akong pumasok sa banyo. When I turned the light on, my eyes instantly turned into slits as I adjusted to the brightness. I walked over to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.
So fucking mess. I was disgusted while watching myself in the mirror.
Who would love you? Who would stick with you? You were corrupted. You were the reason why she was there. You were the reason why your life was fucked up. No one would want me in their lives. They would be disgusted once they found out what lurked beneath the facade I showed to people.
Red.
It started to consume my head. Again. Dark clouds loomed over my head, casting reds on my every thought. The weight of everything was pressed down on me, suffocating and draining the color from my life. Each breath felt like wading through waters, and even the simplest tasks became monumental challenges. The reds were as if a heavy fog enveloped my mind, distorting reality and blurring my path ahead.
