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We were back in Rhode Island. Taylor was doing much better, and thanks to Sabrina, Gracie, and Blake, she still had a job.
It was the night before her first day back at work, and she was fidgeting with my fingers, tracing small patterns across my skin as if lost in thought.
"Why did you stop going to the Training?" Her voice was soft, careful, like she already knew the answer but needed to hear it from me.
I looked up at her, parting my lips to speak, but no words came. The truth was heavy, tangled in my throat like a knot that wouldn’t come undone.
"Was it because of me?" Taylor’s eyes dug into my soul, searching.
I swallowed hard, curling into her warmth as if I could disappear into her entirely. "It's okay," I mumbled, my voice barely above a whisper. Then, after a pause, I finally admitted it—the one truth I’d been too scared to say out loud. "I want to be a teacher like you, Taylor."
Her eyes widened slightly, surprise flickering across her face before it melted into something softer—prouder. A bright smile broke through the shadows. "I would love that," she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead, her warmth seeping into my skin like sunlight.
For a moment, everything felt okay. Safe.
But then, as we stood to go to bed, my foot caught on the little table in the dimly lit room. The sound of a glass tipping over sent a sharp spike of panic through my chest. It hit the floor with a shatter, and my breath hitched.
The world around me blurred. The present bled into the past.
Before I could think, I dropped to my knees, frantically gathering the shards with trembling hands. My breath came in short, panicked gasps. My fingers moved on their own, desperate—I had to clean it up, I had to fix it before—
"Y/N, no! You'll hurt yourself!" Taylor’s voice broke through, laced with concern, but I couldn’t stop.
A sharp sting shot through my palm. A deep, slicing pain. Blood bloomed, crimson against my shaking hands.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. Then again. And again. The words poured from my lips, growing more frantic. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Taylor crouched beside me, trying to meet my eyes, her voice pleading. "Y/N, look at me, it's okay—"
She reached for my cheek.
The movement—too fast, too sudden—sent ice-cold terror through my veins. The shards slipped from my fingers, clinking against the floor, but all I could do was flinch back, my breath choking in my throat.
"D-don't hurt me!" The words tore from me in a broken, shaking cry, my body instinctively curling away.
Silence.
Taylor’s face crumbled. Her eyes filled with something deep—hurt, heartbreak, understanding.
She didn’t move, didn’t try to touch me again. Instead, she just sat there, whispering my name, her voice barely above a breath.
And I sat there too, shaking, bloodied fingers curled into fists, trapped between the past and the present.
Taylor didn’t move right away. She stayed still, giving me space, her eyes filled with something raw and pained. The room was eerily silent except for my ragged breathing, my heart slamming against my ribs like a caged bird.
Then, softly, she spoke.
"Y/N," her voice was steady but laced with heartbreak. "It's me. I'm not him."
My body trembled, every muscle wound tight like a coiled spring, ready to snap. My chest rose and fell unevenly, the weight of panic pressing down on me like a storm.
Taylor didn’t reach for me this time. She just sat there, her hands resting carefully on her lap, showing me she wasn’t a threat.
"I swear to you," she continued, her voice never wavering. "I will never hurt you. I don't care how bad things get, I would rather die than put a hand on you like that."
Tears welled in my eyes, burning hot trails down my cheeks. My breath hitched. The past still clung to me, its claws deep in my skin, but Taylor’s words… they were cutting through the fear, little by little.
She slowly shifted, crossing her legs to sit properly on the floor, mirroring me but keeping her distance. "You don’t have to believe me right now," she whispered, "but I’ll keep saying it as many times as you need to hear it. I’m not Kai, Y/N. I never will be."
The sound of his name made my stomach twist, but hearing it from her—hearing her say it like it meant nothing, like it didn’t have power—made me exhale a shaky breath.
I looked down at my hands, at the blood smearing my palms, at the tiny glass shards glistening on my skin. My vision blurred again, but this time, it wasn’t just fear. It was exhaustion.
Taylor noticed. "Can I help you?" she asked gently. No pressure. No force. Just patience.
I hesitated for a second, then, with my hands still trembling, I gave her a small, barely-there nod.
Relief flooded her face, but she didn’t rush. She grabbed the first aid kit from the shelf and returned to my side, carefully picking up my hand. Her touch was featherlight, barely there, but I still flinched out of habit.
She paused. "You're safe," she reminded me, her voice steady, grounding. "You're always safe with me."
I swallowed thickly, nodding again, and this time, I let her tend to my wounds.
She worked in silence, gently dabbing at the cut, her touch careful and precise. The stinging brought me back to reality, pulling me away from the past, reminding me that I was here—with Taylor, not with him.
When she finished wrapping my hand, she finally met my gaze again. "You don’t have to go through this alone," she whispered. "I'm here. No matter how long it takes."
Tears spilled over, and before I could stop myself, I collapsed into her arms.
Taylor caught me without hesitation, holding me close but never too tight, never trapping me. Just warmth, steady and unwavering.
"Y/N you're exhausted and I knew the past weeks took everything from you, so please take a rest it's okay", she whispered, before she pressed her soft lips against my forehead, assuring me that it's okay.
"I don't know why I got flashbacks", I whispered softly. "It's okay", Taylor rubbed circles on my back before we went up.
Taylor was holding my hand as we made our way to the bedroom. "Alarm is set Darling", I said with a smile. "Thank you", she said with a smile.
"Can I be the small spoon?" I asked her with puppy eyes. "How can I say no to you?" Taylor chuckled before she swapped me on the side. My back pressed against her front and her arm wandered under my shirt.
"Goodnight Taylor."
"Goodnight Y/N"."
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YOU ARE READING
I want you. | Taylor Swift x Female Reader
Fanfiction"So you're the new student", she said with a cold tone. Her tongue slid over her red lipstick, before she glanced down at me. Immediately I catched myself feeling submissive. "Uhm yeah Iam Y/N Y/L/N", I answered trying not to give in her blue eyes...
