January to June
100 love letters
Maybe for you
But they're you
July
Oh.
August
I'm outranked by a plushie that reminds you of me.
You'd rather the essence not the entirety.
I'll write a poem about this, because I can't tell you how lonely it's becoming to love you but we don't share our sorrows.
The less you say, the less I share.
How can I tell you my worries if you're untouchable?
Who am I to you?
Im just your girlfriend.
September
I know you've been drained.
I won't ask of anything anymore.
I'm not like Eurydice, I know calling you won't make you come.
You've been to the underworld too many times.
You're just human, its okay.
But I'll forgive you everytime you don't hear my calls.
You made me promise not to tolerate it whenever you hurt me, I'm not.
To tolerate is to stay unwillingly.
But I'm willing. You can hurt me as much as you want to.
That's the only time I feel loved by you now.
That's the only time I feel like you pay attention.
Maybe deep down, you know you give me something to write about.
It makes me happy in a way.
You've seen me once, and you may never again.
That's okay, angel.
It's enough that you paid me attention once.
At least I can say I was seen by you before.
Im growing used to the pain.
I didn't exactly tell you I was crying the whole time.
So don't worry, Im good.
What else can I do when you've forgotten how to see me?
Now you'd rather cut off your own arm than reach out for me.
I wish I were your doll
Youd tell me all your secrets
All your sorrows and desires
Youd tell me you love me because-I wouldnt be human enough
For you to fear
October
Fucking choose something- he didn't choose me.
He just says he does and never did.
It's not normal to keep contemplating if he loves me / to break up with him.
It's not normal.
I love him so much but wtf.
What the fuck
I ended it again
I ended it again
I wont go back
I cannot go back
Not unless he chooses me
I cannot do this again
Not unless Im allowed to
I wish you would choose me
I wish you would
I cant even call you
You wont answer me
I want to call you
No one's coming
Keep your pride, Ill keep myself
December
Anthurium has the last of the letters
It felt better to talk to the past
January
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