I Miss You Matthew Johnson

Chapter 15

Light grabbed a napkin and wiped my coffee and spit of his face.

"Wait! You and L are together? As in dating."

Light stared at me and slowly nodded his head.

"Like your doing the frick frack with each other?"

His face turned a shade of deep red. "Well we haven't had sex if you're asking that."

"I'd rather you not tell me who you are having sex with, at least not over coffee."

"You're the one who asked!"

"Well... I ask stupid stuff all the time, doesn't mean you have to answer it."

We sat in silence for a minute. I think Light was letting this all sink in for me. I wasn't shocked really. I mean Light and L had always been close, even with L's restiveness to touch people. I just felt bad for Misa, she was so in love with Light it wasn't even funny.

"How did this come about?" I finally asked something.

Light took a deep breath "L had come over a couple of weeks ago to see if I had heard anything from you, we ended up hanging out for the rest of the day. We were just doing a horror movie marathon and some how we ended up really close together next thing I know we are kissing."

"Romantic."

"Not really I freaked out and left him at my apartment alone."

"How long ago was this exactly?"

"Umm... 4 or 5 weeks."

"Huh... Well glad you figured it out."

"Yeah well that can be thanks to Near and not my best friend."

I glanced away from his accusing stare.

He let out a breath, "Look Mello, it's almost been a year. I know you miss him, and guess what? So do the rest of us. He was our friend too you know. We lost someone important to us. However, as cruel as this is going to seem, life doesn't stop just because Matt's gone. It keeps fucking moving, and so do we. If we don't we will be lost."

"What the hell man, what do you know?" I all but yelled before getting up and storming out.

I heard Light swear and throw change down onto the table before he followed me out.

"What do you know about losing the one person you care about most? You maybe dating L but at one point you loved Misa, what would you do if she died? What would you do if she died because of you?" I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I was always the emotional one.

"Mello get into my car." Light said.

I got into the car, I didn't bother to buckle up I just closed my eyes and let myself slip into sleep. I didn't get to sleep long though, because the next thing I knew we rolled up to Light's apartment.

"Light I want to go home." I wanted to add 'and drowned myself in a bottle of beer or vodka' but I kept that thought quiet.

"Just go inside Mello." Light's voice sounded desperate and quiet.

I got out of his car, making sure a slammed the door shut and stormed upstairs. I heard Light apologize to a couple who was close by, saying something about a bad burrito. I didn't care I just wanted to sleep.

I made it to the door to find it locked. Light hurried and unlocked it and gabbed my hand pulled me inside shutting the door shut and hugging me.

"Light what the hell? Let me go." I said in frustration. I didn't want to be hugged by anyone but Matt.

"Listen and listen carefully Mello. Whatever happened that night it wasn't your fault."

I broke in before he could finish speaking, "No you listen it was my fault if I had just been watching where I was going Matt wouldn't have had to push me out of the way. All I had to do was look!"

Light hugged me tighter. "Mello you fucking asswhole. You can't seriously blame yourself. You listen to me now. The driver who was driving was texting and driving. He was speeding so badly that you probably wouldn't have had time to move out of the way. All the driver had to do was look up and put his fucking phone away. It was his fault not yours."

"Why did Matt push me out of the way? He would've been able to handle this better than I am. He was almost as smart as L. He should've been the one who lived. Not me."

"You are such a dumbass. He did it because he loved you. He wanted you to survive. To live. Mello you can do so much with your life, Matt knew this. He just need to stop acting like a dumbass and get your shit together. You need to figure out what you want to do with your life. And to be honest I don't think Matt would have handled your death better."

"What do you mean?" I asked my tears still warm against my cheek.

"Because he said something to me." The voice came across the hall towards the living room.

I turned around and saw L, near and Misa standing in the doorway.