A Splatter of Other #Wattys2015

XXIV

"Why do you want to know? Is it important?" His voice is arctic, and I almost tell him not to bother, but...

"It's important to you. So it's important to me, I-I want to know you, and...I'd tell you anything you asked, so I just..." I trail off, twisting my fingers and avoiding his gaze.

For a long moment he remains quiet, the releasesa ragged breath. "Her name was Ayla, she was my best friend," I sit up to lookdown on him, but he isn't looking at me, he was staring off into the darkness,"I was in love with her." It felt like I'd just been punched in the stomach, Icouldn't breathe, but he didn't seem to notice as he continued. "She was thefirst friend I had in Durness when my Father brought me here, and she alwaysdefended me whenever I was teased by the Tribe born children. We wereinseparable. As we grew older, I started to notice small things about her, like the red streaks in her black hair, or the green flecks in her brown eyes, or the dimples she got when she smiled..." he trails off for a moment, lost in thought, and I ache at the tenderness of his voice when he speaks of her. "It took me a long time to realise that I was in love with her, mainly because I couldn't remember a time since I arrived when I hadn't. I forgot about everything backhome, and I was fine with it, because I had her." He forgot everything,including me... "I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I was scared, I thought she would reject my feelings and then...our friendship would suffer, I could not do that." I stare at the wall across from me, focusing on holding back the tears. "FinallyI'd had enough, I had to tell her. So, I got drunk, to give me confidence. I had heard Ambrosa takes away fear and inhibitions, so I drank about five cups. ThenI went to find her." He sits up next to me, twisting the sheets in his hands. "She was in the Pit alcove with one of my cousins, kissing...I went insane, I was so angry, even though she never knew how I felt about her I felt like she should have known. I pulled him from her, punched him. We got into a fight, she tried splitting us up, and in the tussle she got knocked over the railing." He goes quiet, and I slip my hand into his. He laces our fingers and squeezes, taking a deep breath before continuing. "She was alive when I found her, but unconscious and bleeding. I yelled to get help, and carried her myself to Arronax. I spent weeks beside her, but she didn't wake up. I talked to her all the time, told her how much I loved her, how sorry I was..." his voice cracks, and my heart breaks for him at the guilt and anguish weaved into his words. "She didn't wake up, she died a month later, and three days after that my cousin hung himself. Turns out she was pregnant with his baby." His mouth twists bitterly, "Not only did I kill the girl I loved, my best friend, but I killed an unborn baby and my cousin as well." His voice breaks at the end, and he turns to bury his face in my shoulder.

I wrap my arms around him as he begins to sob, and I run a hand over his hair, "Shh," I murmur, trying not to cry myself. "Shh Archer, it's okay, I understand." I didn't tell him it wasn't his fault, because he wouldn't believe me, it wouldn't help, and I can guarantee people had been telling him it for years. "Shh," I kiss his hair, bury my nose in it and squeeze him hard. For a long time he just cries into my shoulder, his body convulsing in internal pain.

Eventually his chokes cease and he pull away sniffing. "I am sorry, Franceska, for putting you through my shit. I can't imagine hearing me talk about some girl I fell in love was easy for you."

I take his face in my hands, and gently kiss the tears from his cheeks. "She wasn't some girl, she was Ayla, your best friend. You loved her. Yes it was hard to hear, but I know what she meant to you, and I am confident that she was your past, and I am your future. I know you love me, and I understand, it's okay."

He gazes at me, his eyes sad, but he gives me a watery smile. "You are incredible, you know that?" I roll my eyes but he takes my hands, face serious, "No, really, if you told me about some man you had loved, I would have been beside myself with jealousy, but you..." he trails off with a shake of his head.