happiness & hurting

all i want

"so here i am, partially drained via pain, partially sparking with life via happiness. you make me so happy yet so sad all at once, its not necessarily you, as much as the aftertaste. the memories. so so many wonderful memories until things just went insane. i dont know what happened, maybe you made sense of yourself, and realized we were like gasoline & fire, or maybe you just lost interest. who knows. all i know is that me, being as indecisive as i am, it was a wonderful feeling to finally feel certain about something, rather someone. you were, and still are right for me. you made me happy when id rather not even smile, you kept me up at night because my dreams couldnt compare to my reality. now i dont know if you make me happy or sad, when you choose me im on top of the world, but when you chose her... it felt like the world caved in and i couldnt breathe. you didnt think of it as anything, but to me it was the worst. day and night, i was in a pain filled daze. hurt by your absence. when you came back, i had finally accepted your absence & realized it was easier without you. now life came spiraling out of control when you came back & i dont know what to do, because in all honesty, all i want is you."