happiness & hurting

air or poison

"are you the air that keeps me breathing or the poison that tears me apart? lately i cant tell. i cant live without you, but youve got me stuck. you get my head spinning and i get so confused. i know itll all make sense one day, but i still try to make sense out of everything because im very impatient. i try to decide whether i should push you away or pull you closer. youre like the air i breathe, id die without you. but youre also like poison. making me terribly miserable at times. even when you dont try. you dont get it but when i see you with her, when i see you laughing and smiling, its like a stab in the heart. its a reminder that i actually did win those 'i love you more fights'. its showing me that maybe you didnt even love me. but that shred of faith in you keeps me thinking youre the breath of air i need to survive. it keeps me hoping. as the seconds go by i get more and more anxious. needing to know if this is a pointless waste of hope & faith or not. but i wont know until im either blessed by the grace of god that all that time & waiting was worth while or when im tore down to the cold hard ground, when i find out i wasted time & hope on someone who couldnt care less about me. i keep that faith though. i probably always will. you sparked a fire down deep in my soul, one that i cant contain, that i cant control. i try to put out that fire but all efforts fail. my love for you is stronger than any other force on earth. & it'll always be that way."