HOWL: UNCHAINED (rewritten)

16 - Bedrotting

-- No one's Pov --

A few days later, Billie was released from the hospital. Due to the lycan genetics, she'd healed pretty well, which is why Krista was the one to take care of her along with a few other aware colleagues. Finneas and Magie brought her back home, more on guard now than ever. Billie remained closed off, quiet, barely eating or drinking. She wasn't herself, not even the angst filled asshole she used to be. She was hollow, an empty shell. It was like she'd been completely erased with nothing but a vacant expression left.

Krista had kept an eye open for any new activity in the Nightwatch, Cyrus as well. Ivan believed Billie was dead. At least they were safe for now. She couldn't bring herself to tell Maggie what they found out. She could only suffer with the knowledge. It wasn't easy for her but she did everything she could for Billie. Though Billie was just gone. According to Claudia, she'd stay in her room and hardly ever come out.

And anytime they would hear anything out of her is when she'd scream loud throughout the house due to a nightmare. But she wouldn't let anyone touch her.

Tara, wanting to see Billie, went to the house.

-- Tara's Pov --

When I heard that Billie was found, I was hella fucking relieved. But when they told me about how she'd been acting, it made my heart - dead as fuck but still - ache. I knock on the door, waiting for someone to answer. It was close to 10 p.m. I hoped I wasn't waking anyone up but when Claudia answered the door, all I could do was smile.

"Hey, I just wanted to come over and check on Billie. How is she?"

Claudia shakes her head, "She's not good. I don't know what happened to her but she's changed."

"Ah, so watch out for table throwing?"

"Not like that. She's closed off completely. All she does is sleep and when she's not sleeping she's... she's just not here."

I step in the house, "Did Krista not tell you guys anything? Isn't that, like, doctor 101?"

"Nothing. She kept saying she didn't get anything back yet but anyone can tell that Billie was put through the mill... Tara I'm worried about her. Yeah, Billie's been quiet and distant but fucking hell. Never like this."

I nod slowly, "The last time she felt this way she just left. As stubborn as she is. Is it alright if I go upstairs?"

Claudia shrugs, "If you do be warned. She's not saying a word."

I walk past her, heading up the stairs to Billie's room. When I reached her door I was half expecting to hear her thoughts or at least get a hint of what she'd been through. I did hear her inner speak, the same three words echoing in her head as that was all she could think.

Worthless, useless, nothing.

I slowly turn the knob and crack the door open, peeping my head in to see her laying on her bed, curled in a ball and wrapped in the torn comforter. She was gripping it tight.

"Hey, Bils." I say softly, not wanting to completely startle her. She says nothing. I walk further into the room, leaving the door open to provide some light. And if it made her feel safer then by all means I will leave the door open. "How're you holding up?"

I hear the long dejected sigh. I look around the room, taking in the clothes all over the floor. The place looked like it hadn't been cleaned in weeks. I nod slowly, looking at Billie once again. "When was the last time you cleaned up? Not saying you smell but..."

She looks at me, rolling her eyes at my comment, a glimpse of the old Billie coming through. With another sigh she finally speaks. "I wanna die, Tara..."

"I'll find and kill him if that's what you need me to do... What did he do to you?"

She tightens her grip on the comforter. "I can't talk about it."

"Can't or won't?"

"Just leave it alone..."

I nod, "Okay. You know Emilia is worried about you... All of us are."

She whispers, "I don't want to see her."

"Why? I know how much you two love each other..." She gives me a look. "What is it?"

"I don't want her to see me like this... it's best if she doesn't. The pain is bad enough but I get nightmares. They're not even nightmares, I'm just reliving every single second."

I shake my head as I move around the room, picking up clothes and putting them in the basket. She tells me I don't have to do that. "Well, I'm going to. Jesus, I can't even see into your head. What did he do to you?"

Her voice drops low to a broken whisper, "What didn't he do? I know we're monsters, we're always the monsters, T, but Ivan is... he's worse than us. I know I should be thankful for Quinn, but while I laid on that floor all I could think about was when the darkness would take me and just how long it would be before it did."

Just as I open my mouth to speak, I hear Emilia's voice downstairs and a soft, barely audible canine-like whimper from Billie. I clear my throat, "I'm gonna head out because I know she won't take no for an answer."

"I told her to leave me alone..."

I laugh softly, "You know that's never gonna happen."

-- Emilia's Pov --

I didn't know Tara was here. When I walked up to Billie's room, I saw her standing there. She looked at me, a somber expression on her face as she slowly strides out of the room.

"She's not okay, Em." She says softly.

When Tara heads downstairs, I walk into the room. I don't close the door, not wanting her to feel trapped. I sigh softly, walking over to her bed.

"Why are you here?" She asks me.

"I know you wanted me to leave you alone but I just can't, Billie. I wanted to check on you..." She looks up at me, her eyes near dead.

She inhales slowly, "I'm just tired. I don't feel like repeating myself, I just-"

"I know and I'm not gonna force you."

Her voice quivers as she whispers, "Will you lay with me?"

I smile softly, laying next to her. I was on my side, facing her and watching as she scooted closer, nuzzling her face against my chest. I feel her body tremble as she cries. I whisper softly, "It's okay... I've got you."

She shakes her head, her muffled blubbers filling the room. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry..."

"No, no, don't be."

"He fucked me up, Emmy. I just wanna die. I can't keep living like this everyday without wanting to put myself through a wall. The hell he put me through, I just can't-"

I make her look at me, brushing away the falling tears as I keep my voice low to a whisper. "Stop, just stop. Don't think about that right now, okay? You're with me... you're safe with me, with your family. He's not gonna hurt you again. We'll make sure of it."

I swallow the lump in my throat. Normally it'd be Billie comforting me if something was upsetting... now it was the other way around. I'd never seen her like this before and it broke every part of me. It only made me imagine just what she possibly went through. When she calmed down, she sat up slowly, leaning back against her headboard. I could see the tension in her face as she moved, the way she kept her weight to one side.

She looks at me and whispers, "I'll tell you what happened..."