Always & Forever

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

2006 – Lou’s POV

“Lou… I uh… Um… I wanted to speak to you. I uh. I wanted to ask you something”

Oh god. He is staring at me with his big brown eyes, they are boring into me making me want to tell him exactly how I feel. The intensity of emotion visible within those big brown eyes is enough to make my breath catch. I feel my breath, catch in my throat, I don’t know what I am holding it for but I have a feeling the next words out of his mouth are going to change everything.

I don’t know what to make of the emotions running through his eyes. He is swapping between anxiety, hopefulness, apprehension and fear. What on Earth does he had to say that he could fear. Oh god. Don’t tell me he is dying. Cancer, Blood Disease – Bird Flu. He can’t leave me. I love him. He doesn’t know I love him but I do and therefore he is not allowed to leave me. He can’t. I won’t let him.

These thoughts running through my head are making my head pound, I am going to get a killer headache after this. I am so distracted by my thoughts that I haven’t taken time to notice his touch. He is still holding my chin, making me looking at him. His touch is so warm, it’s making my skin tingle oh so softly. Flicking my eyes down, I can see his lips, his soft kissable lips. All I have wanted for the last 3 months is to lean in and kiss those very soft kissable lips. He doesn’t even know how much he tempts me. Flicking my eyes back up to meet his, I am shocked at the emotion I think I can see there. It makes me breath hitch even more, If I keep holding this breath I am probably going to pass out from lack of oxygen.

Oh God.

“Lou… I know that we are only friends and if you don’t I understand and I hope this doesn’t run anything and I really understand if you don’t want to and I hope this doesn’t change anything and I really don’t want to lose you as a friend but I just um willyoubemygirlfriendpleaseimsorry.”

Holy moly… Anthony blurted the sentence out so quickly without a single pause and so fast that I’m not even sure I really heard what I think I heard. But I think I heard that he wants me to be his girlfriend followed by a sorry. Wait… why is he sorry? What? What does that mean. I know that my mouth has given away my shock, my jaw is slack and sitting on the floor and I am staring at him like he has two heads.

Crap he asked me a question. Which means he expects an answer. Can I be his girlfriend? Can I risk it all? I mean… what if this goes wrong? We are only 16… this will never be forever. Is this a friendship I want to lose? I don’t think I can go without his friendship. I don’t think I want to go without his friendship. He is so caring, and selfless, and funny and just amazing. And uh. If I say no. Everything will be ruined. We will smile and say nothing will change… but it will and I know it will and no matter what I do – I am at risk of losing the most amazing person to have walked into my life.

Snapping out of my own little mind bubble, I slowly raise my eyes to look at him. I can see the emotion in his eyes has clearly changed. He is now looking very regretful, and apprehensive. I don’t know how long it’s been since he asked the question. It may have been seconds or minutes. But it’s obviously been long enough that he thinks I’m going to say no. I feel my face slowly start to catch up with my haywire brain. My jaw has come back into its rightful position, my eyes are no longer bulging out of my head and my breathing has even returned to normal. I can feel my lips curve up into a small smile, I hope it doesn’t look as creepy as it feels. Forcing myself to smile more, I nod my head.

“Anth, You spoke so bloody fast that I’m not even sure I am answering the right questions but yes. I will be your girlfriend”. I surprise myself by how confident my voice sounds, how sure of my answer I seem – a complete contradiction to how my brain is currently reacting.