Always & Forever

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

2006 - Louie’s POV

Walking out of class, I looked back hoping that he would secretly be looking at me, I don’t even know this guy’s name and here I am borderline obsessing over him hoping to catch him looking at me. Glancing over my shoulder and smiling instantly when I realise he is looking at me Score! It means I have captured his attention, even if only slightly. It was only then that I realised his eyes were down cast again and he was busy staring at the floor as if he hoped it would swallow him whole. His dark brown hair hiding his eyes and his plump kissable lips turned downward as if something is up-setting him. I hope it isn’t me, what if it is? What if he hates me already? What if he’s already been told by other students what a monster I am, it’s already three days into the term. It’s possible. Oh god he hates me doesn’t he?

That’s the problem with being known throughout the school, even if you were nice to new students, even if you played hostess. Eventually, someone would get in their ear and things would change. They would start spending time with other groups, less time with me. It was a gradual thing, they’d still speak to me in class, still wave in and say hello in the halls. It was never straight away, but eventually, they two would cast their eyes downwards when I walked by without uttering a word to me. I know I don’t help things, I should probably try harder and try to speak to them and make an effort. I know I should, but I just can’t bring myself to go out of my way, it’s not that I think I’m horrible, but I know that by the time I realise what’s happened they already have a preconceived image of me and who I am, regardless of how I treated them personally. Even though I am nice and friendly to them, eventually, everyone telling them how horrible a person I am rubs off and they believe it also. I can’t help but think that if I did try to change their minds things would be very different.

But I guess... I have an amazing group of friends, people who bothered to stick around to know the real me, or people that have grown up with me, gone through primary school with me. They are the people I spend my time on, they are the people who know the real me. Not the façade of ‘The big bad bitch’ that I play whilst at school. I really do try with my friends, I know that they come to me with their problems, and I would defend them to anyone – which also doesn’t help my issue of how the rest of the school perceive me. It really gets to me some days, I try not to let it bother me, I try to ignore the stares in the hallways, the rumours people whisper just loud enough for me to hear. I try to tell myself that I am a nice person, but if the rest of the world doesn’t believe me, how am I going to believe me?

“Lou, Oi Lou bloody hell, what is wrong with you today?”

“Huh? Sorry what did you say Carleigh?”

“I asked you what’s wrong, you’ve been off in your little dream world all lunch and you haven’t touched your food. What’s the matter?”\

“I dunno, just… The new rumours this year are a whole lot more vicious than normal. Did you know apparently I cheated on Owen with 3 guys that I work with? If only they knew I was still a virgin and that was FAR from the truth!” I said relaying some information I overheard while walking in the halls earlier today. I knew Carleigh would get that I was upset by it. She’s one of my best friends after all, she sees beneath the façade better than anyone else.

“Babe, you gotta not let those losers get to you. You know that you didn’t cheat on the wet rag and that’s all that matters. People are just jealous” Did I mention that Carleigh doesn’t like Owen… at all? No. Well she can’t stand him, constantly questions why I am with the ‘wet rag’ as she has aptly nicknamed him.

“I know Carls, but I am just so sick of it. Everything I do is so heavily scrutinised in this place, some days I feel like I can’t breathe and it’s only the 3rd day or term! What did I do to cop this crap? Honestly, I just don’t get it”