Straykids Sickfics and Onshots

Seungmin-Worth it?

⚠tw⚠

self harm

suicidal thoughts

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Seungmin POV

Why is life so difficult? Why are people so cruel? Sometimes I feel like just giving up. Like I don't want to be here anymore. I swear I would've done it by now if it weren't for 7 certain people stopping me.

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"So Seungmin how long has this been going on?" The slim woman, named Ms. Yoon sitting in front of me asks for the 2nd time. "I told you I don't know!" I repeat, also for the 2nd time today. What does this mean? The suicidal thoughts? Or the cuts on my leg.

"I'm talking about the cutting." She sighs, like she read my mind. "I dunno. About 2 or 6 weeks...?" I admit picking at my nails. It always makes me anxious to talk about things like this. "That's not good." She mutters as she rights something down in her creepy little journal.

Chan hyung thinks this is gonna help me. No stupid therapist is gonna do any good for me. "How often do you cut yourself?" She asks. "What are you writing in the journal?" I ask impatiently. She doesn't respond to my question but instead repeats, "How often do you cut yourself Seungmin." I cross my arms and sit back in the chair I'm sitting in, refusing to answer her question. If she wont answer mine why should I answer hers. "Can you answer my question, Seungmin?" She asks in a soft voice. That baby voice she's using, agitates me even more. "How about you answer my question!?" I raise my voice.

She shakes her head and scribbles down something in her journal. "What the hell are you writing about?!" I yell, now sitting up from the chair. She just keeps writing and that really makes my blood boil. "I don't even need this stupid therapist anyway..." I grumble. "Excuse me?" Ms. Yoon says in a very scary voice. "I-I said I don't need a stupid therapist!" I shout.

"Get out." Ms. Yoon says quietly. "Gladly." I remark and leave the room.

I text Chan and say I need to be picked up. And a few minutes later he walked in the therapist office to come pick me up.

When we are both settled in the car he asks, "Is your session over? I thought you had another 30 minutes." "Yeah, Ms. Yoon ended it early." I replied. "Oh okay. Did you talk to her about...the cuts?" He asks as he stops at a red light. My breathing starts to pick up as I shrugged. "Can I see them..?" He asks me patiently.

I shrugged and he forgets about when the light turns green.

I start to scroll through Instagram and then I start to see these posts:

Ew Seungmin's smile is so ugly.

Seungmin please leave Straykids. Reasons why....

The members of Straykids consist of 7 angels and one little cockroach named Kim Seungmin

That makes tears rush to my eyes and they slowly begin to fall. I try my best to hide it, but I'm sure Bangchan noticed my tears.

When we both arrived at the dorms and Felix greeted us and said, "Hey Seungmin how was it?" I shrugged (for probably the third time) and wiped my face.

And then before Felix can ask any more questions I rush into the bedroom I share with Jeongin. Good thing he's not in the bedroom right now. I decide to take a quick shower. As I change out of my clothes I see all the scars on my thighs. There are two huge cuts on each of my legs, and three cuts on my right calf and two on my left calf.

I see Changbin's razor on the side of the bathtub, then I remember all those posts I saw on Instagram...

Should I?

It wouldn't hurt just to cut a few. I turn on the shower and get in. I reach for the razor and I make a few cuts on my arms. The red slowly drips off my arms and it's just a mixture of blood and water going down my arms. The crimson color dots the tub.

Seungmin please leave Straykids. Reasons why....

For some reason that one post makes me really upset. Should I leave? When they say leave does that mean I should die?

I make another cut on my leg but it hurts a lot more then the other ones, and there's a lot of blood. Shit. That's too deep. I step out of the shower and grab the first aid kit from under the sink. Then I wrap my leg with the bandage. I dry off and wear baggy sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt.

"Seungmin it's time for dinner!" I hear Minho call. I rush to the dinner table where all 7 of my members are there. Minho made Kimchi-jjigae and it smelled delicious.

As I reached across the table for more rice my sleeve slips up revealing half my arm. I quickly covered my arm and hoped no one noticed it but then Changbin said, "What was that?" "What was what?" I asked, playing it cool. "Those scratches, all over your arm." He questions. That then sparks Chan's attention, "Scratches?" "I-its nothing hyung." "No-it is something. Pull up your sleeves." He demands. I debate whether to obey or not.

In the end I just pulled my sleeves to reveal all my cuts. Chan covers his mouth as his eyes get glossy. I didn't mean to make him cry but I cant help it. "I-I'm sorry." I whisper. Everyone's eyes are on me, but I refuse to make eye contact with any of them. If I look in their eyes I may start to cry.

"Why hyung?" Jeongin says in a small voice. That makes me break and tears flow down my face as I keep my head down. "It's just that everything is too much. There's always some hate about me everywhere. Then I wonder if this is really worth it, with all the pain I've been through. I just wanna die..." I cried, while whispering in the last sentence.