Yours, Mine, & Ours//Lashton AU

One

The rain was not going to let up. It came down from the drab, grey skies in sheets, splattering everything in its path. It had been raining for pretty much three days straight at this point. It had been three days since they had seen any sunshine. For Ashton, it had been 5.

Why did it always rain at funerals?

Was God crying too because the world had lost someone far too young? Too gentle? Too loving? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. But it was appropriate. It was also far too predictable. Was it mandatory? As soon as it was officialy admitted that someone had died, did it have to rain? This particular funeral was obviously no exception to that apparent, unspoken rule.

The ground was wet and the dirt had long ago become mud.

Ashton toed at the earth with his new black shoes leaving a dark brown patch right on the toe. He didn't care. Just like he didn't care that he was one of few people without an umbrella. He didn't care if he got wet. It didn't matter to him. He looked around him at the dozens of other people standing around him.

Many were crying. Few were not. Ashton was part of those few. He never cried at funerals. Never. He almost always cried after when he was alone but never during. He hated crying mostly because then people would always go cry with him and he hated that. He hated sympathy. He did everything he could do avoid it. This time however, there was no avoiding it. It was all around him. In their eyes, their gestures, their voices, and their words. Even when they weren't directly saying it, they were always giving it.

For this exact reason, Ashton kept his head down.

Ashton had always liked rain. It soothed him. Whenever it rained when he was a kid, he would always go outside and stand in it. Even as a grown man sometimes he would go outside and bask in the droplets as they came in contact with his skin.

Now, it seemed to be mocking him. Now, all he wanted was for the rain to stop and never come back. Rain rain go away indeed. He had never understood the depressing feel that many experienced when rain came along until now. It seemed impossible to hate anyone or anything more than he hated the rain.

When the chattering around him rose, Ashton realized it was over. The casket was in the ground, the preacher stopped talking, and people were beginning to go to their vehicles. Some people still stood, facing forward. Including Ashton. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away as the dirt began returning to the ground where it belonged. It slowly started to cover the casket and officially claim the life laying inside as its own.

Ashton had no idea how long he had been staring when he felt a hand on his shoulder that slowly pulled him back to reality. He turned and was faced with a blonde women with tear stained cheeks and an incredibly forced smile on her face. The smile in no way masked the pain in her eyes. If anything, it made them look even more sad. If that was even possible.

"Hey. Are you coming back to our place?" She asked in her ever-so-soft voice.

Ashton looked back at the now almost completely filled hole in the ground, then turned to the women. He cleared his throat.

"I think I'm just going to stop at home first. But I'll meet you back there later for sure. If that's okay."

She nodded. "Absolutely. If there's anything you need just let me or anyone know. We're all here for you sweetie."

Ashton smiled so sadly at the women standing in front of him. She was clearly in so much pain but was offering to put Ashton's needs in front of her own.

"Thank you. The same goes to you and your family."

She pulled him in for a hug and he accepted.

"I'll see you in a bit." She said when she pulled away.

"Yeah. In a bit. I'll see you then."

She smiled one last time, squeezed his arm, then turned back around and began walking to a taller man holding an umbrella. Once she came closer, he held it out so she was fully covered and he was halfway out and getting soaked. He wrapped an arm around her shaking shoulder and squeezed it gently before they proceeded to walk to a car. He opened the door for her and she stepped inside. He walked to the other side, started the car, and began to drive off. The last thing Ashton saw before they disappeared from his sight was him gently rubbing her shoulder as she once again began to cry.

Ashton turned away, beginning to feel a lump in his throat. He tightly squeezed his eyes shut willing the tears away. When he opened them a few seconds later, the only people still standing there was him, and the people who had now finished filling the ground. The now freshly packed dirt, or mud really, made Ashton's heart fill with pain. This was a reminder of how official it was. It was real and Ashton didn't want it to be.

Finally, he was the only person standing there. Every vehicle was gone and every person had left. This was just another reminder of how alone he truly was. This was enough to force himself to walk over to the only car left in the parking lot. His.

He drove slowly. The only place he wanted to be was also the place that was now haunted. But he didn't have many other options. He knew at that exact moment there was a house filled with people wondering where he was and if he was okay but the idea of all those sympathetic faces was the last place he wanted to be. He knew he would have to face it eventually but he decided it wouldn't hurt to wait 20 minutes.

His apartment building was finally right in front of him. He parked right outside of it and walked inside into the warmth. He took the elevator up to the third floor and found apartment 311. He unlocked the door, pushed it open, then stepped inside. When it was closed, he leaned against the door and took in a deep breath, closing his eyes.

It had to have been 5 minutes that he just stood there until he finally pushed himself off and walked down the hallway. He stopped at the closed door. A door he hardly had enough courage to open in the past 5 days. But then, it was open. He tentatively took a step past the doorway and looked around.

Everything was the same as it had been since the last time he'd been in there. Nothing had been moved or touched. To most, this would be comforting. To Ashton, this was heartbreaking. Nothing ever stayed how he left it. He took another step inside and then another until somehow he was sitting on the bed. It took him another 5 minutes until he reached his hand under the pillow. He felt around for a second until the cool metal touched his fingertips. He grasped onto the silver band and pulled it out from under the pillow. He looked at it and felt that same pain he always felt when he looked at it or almost everything.

He pressed the band to his lips and closed his eyes. And he was alone. More alone then he had ever been or ever felt in his life. And because of this, he finally allowed himself to cry.

Tears fell from his eyes, stained his cheeks, fell on his suit. He sniffled, he sobbed, he didn't care. He was alone and no one could see him. He cried and he cried and he didn't stop crying. He felt his tears would last as long as the rain. Then finally, he took in a shaky breath, let out a loud painful sob, and through his tears and pain, spoke.

"Luke. Oh god, Luke. Why did you have to go?"

~

Sorry

I had my first day of school today. It was good. I painted a desk red.

-ash