Yours, Mine, & Ours//Lashton AU

Three

10 months ago, everything made sense.

Ashton's world was happy and he didn't feel the need to change a single thing. It was perfect.

Exactly 10 months ago, Ashton was engaged to the love of his life. He was deliriously happy and didn't see anything that could possibly go wrong. In 11 months, his fiancé would be his husband and everything would be amazing.

Until it wasn't.

Because 10 months later, that life was taken away. Taken away from the world. Taken away from his family. Taken away from his friends. Taken away from Ashton.

Now, 10 months later, and 1 month before Ashton was supposed to be in a tux in a church saying I do, he was left behind. Left with phone calls to make, family to comfort, his own heart to mend, and a ring. A ring that was supposed to signify a beginning, but didn't even let that beginning start.

Now, Ashton sat in a dark room by himself, in the middle of the night.

Ashton knew he was not technically alone. He had his mum, his brother and sister, his best friend who was currently asleep in the next room, and the family who were supposed to become his in-laws in only a month. This of course, was not a possibility now.

It was 1:30 in the morning and Ashton was beyond tired. Every bone and muscle and nerve and organ ached for sleep.

At this rate, that didn't seem very likely. Ashton was sitting up in the small bed with his body tucked into the corner and a blanket placed over his lap.

It had been just after 9 when Ashton finally left the Hemmings'. After his moment in the living room with Michael, Ashton locked himself in the bathroom for a while to calm down then clean himself up. Then he suffered through many apologies and 'sorry for you losses' and a slightly awkward run in with Luke's very sketchy aunt.

The dark was where Ashton always felt the most alone. When you opened your eyes, it was too dark to see and if someone was in the room, you couldn't tell because there was no light. It was also where your thoughts run wild. There was nothing to distract you or stop you. It was all dark. And the dark always helps your imagination soar.

Ashton always had so many questions:

Why him? Why now? Could I have stopped it? What if? What then? What now? Why? Why.

Why was always the biggest question he had. Why Luke out of all those billions of people? Why did it have to be the love of his life? The most kindhearted and loving person. Why? Why when he was so young? Why would anyone let this happen? Why? Why.

These were the questions that kept Ashton up at night. And that is not an expression. Ashton hadn't slept since the day after it happened and even that had hardly been long enough.

Every time Ashton tried to fall asleep it would always end badly. The second he closed his eyes, he saw Luke's face. His happy, smiling, beautiful face. He saw his bright blue eyes, his soft blonde hair, his adorable nose, his beautiful smile, the little dimple, the black ring that hugged his lip. And every time he saw Luke's face, he tried his hardest to hold on as tightly as he could to the image for fear that one day, he won't be able to remember.

This was one of Ashton's biggest fears. Forgetting. He did not want to forget Luke. Anything about him. He didn't want to forget what he looked like, what he sounded like, how he felt, the way he held Ashton tightly like he never wanted to let go, how his lips were always so soft and felt so good against Ashton's. He didn't want to forget anything about Luke because by forgetting, that was letting Luke go and all Ashton ever wanted was Luke. He never wanted to let go.

So he had his ways of remembering. Mostly, he didn't go to sleep. He spent his nights huddled up in some corner and cried silently.

And sometimes, he listened to Luke's voice. 

Now, Ashton pulled out his phone and grabbed his headphones. He put them into his ears and turned up the volume. Then he typed in those 10 digits he knew off by heart and let it ring. Once. Twice. Three times. And then,

Hey this is Luke. Ashton's heart filled with pain at the sound of his voice. I can't talk right now so just leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I can. This was followed by the beep of a machine. And even though he would never hear his voice again, Ashton always spoke. He sniffled. Let out a sob. Then,

"I miss you Luke. Please come back to me."

This was always followed by a couple seconds of dead air before he finally hung up the phone. Then after finding the other thing he was looking for, Ashton closed his eyes and sat back with his arms wrapped around his body and his knees pulled up to his chest. And then the words filled his ears.

I know it's me that's supposed to love you
And when I'm home you know I got you
Is there somebody who can love you?

Is there somebody who can watch you?
Is there somebody who can watch you?

Ashton had never cared so much for the words as he did for Luke's voice. Ashton loved listening to Luke sing. He loved getting Luke to sing for him. It was crazy how relevant these words were now. Luke was gone, and Ashton felt alone and he needed somebody.

A year ago, Ashton had asked Luke to sing and had recorded it without Luke knowing. When he found out, he tried to delete it. Ashton refused. Claimed it would help him fall asleep easier. Now, Ashton realized he was right. And he couldn't be happier Luke had eventually let him keep it. And that night, Ashton listened to Luke's soft voice over and over and over again until it sang him to sleep.

~

Hello

I work on Saturday :(

Here's a funny thing that happened to me today:

So today in my creative writing class we were given a really boring statement like 'he ate his lunch' 'she was nervous' and then we had to rewrite it to make it way more exciting so one sentence was 'the soldier shot his enemy' and so I rewrote it to say 'the sound of the gunshot was clinging to the air as the bullet pierced the enemies heart' and some guy leaned over to me and whispered 'emo'

So yeah

Anyways

Bye

-Ash