❝𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋❞ - 𝐚𝐱𝐞𝐥 𝐤𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐜

20

-🥋-

chapter twenty

MADDIE

As I sit in at the kitchen table, I rest my head in my hands. My chin is resting on my forearms as I just look at the bowl of soup that sits in front of me. I can't bring myself to eat it. I can't bring myself to do much of anything.

I've been sitting here for an hour with my phone turned off. I've just been sitting here and thinking about everything. It's my fault. I'm the problem. I'm pushing him too hard.

There are so many things hurting right now, and eating the steaming soup would just make it all worse. Checking my phone and being swamped with notifications from people saying how perfect my life is would make it all worse. It would make me feel like I'm lying to everyone and everything around me. All I want to do it cry. I just want to let out all of the pain through my eyes as I sit here.

But I can't even do that, because it's all been drained out of me.

All of my tears have been used up for two people. For him, and for myself.

It all feels numb, while hurting all at once. I'm supposed to be fighting, but I can't find anything to look forward to. No matter how much I want to destroy Silver and Wolf, we're down too many points. I don't even feel like Miyagi-do, I couldn't earn over fifty points for them. I wanted to win, I really did. But Miyagi-Do was never a dojo that was made to win. It was made to find kids who needed help.

It helped me as much as it could, now the rest is up to me. I can't even do that.

Sometimes my head is a nice place to be, and sometimes I love being who I am and everything about myself. Other times, I find myself hating the fact I'm alone just because I need to listen to my thoughts spiral for hours. Other times, I just hate everything.

At the sound of a knock at my door, I sigh. Pushing myself up from the table, I move like a slug towards the door. As I open it, a small hint of happiness flickers at the sight of Tory standing there with a smile.

It falters as she looks at me. "Hey, are you okay?"

Just when I thought I didn't have any tears left, the tap fills up and it's all spilling down my cheeks. In the middle of the doorway, rivers stream down my cheeks as I just place my hand over my mouth, trying to muffle the sobs leaving my throat.

"Whoa, hey," Tory mutters, dropping her bag at the door and stepping towards me.

I melt into her immediately, just letting someone else take the pain for a small moment as I cry into her chest. Tory's hand rubs circles along my back as she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

I don't even process it, but eventually we're sitting down at my dining room table, with cups of tea in front of us, and she has a bowl of the same soup that I do.

"I didn't know you were coming over today. If I did I would have made more of an effort in my appearance." I gesture down at my pajama bottoms and the fact my hair is unbrushed. My face is swollen with tears and I'm absolutely drained right now.

It's not just for Axel, though majority of it is. I feel so deeply, and it all comes crashing down on me and it hurts ten times more than it should. It's the fact I'm completely powerless in this situation. All I can do to help him, is just be there reminding him who he is. Other than that, I've got no tricks up my sleeve or no quick solutions. This process is hard and tiring, and it's not easy.