A Heart Doesn't Break Even. |Max George & Siva Kaneswaran|

Just Another Day

I was drinking my morning coffee like usual. This morning I'm not a sleepy head. I have too much energy. Racing mind. I almost feel drunk. I lay awake but still don't feel tired. Maybe I am doing good today. No no. I shake those thoughts away that's what everybody else would say and congratulate me on a clear day. But I know that that's every day the case. I am just a misfit. Aren't we all? I act weird because it's my personality. Some life moments are blank yes, but they slowly return that's the prove that I just forget stuff right? It's not like I have amnesia or something like that. "Sarah, are you finished?" It's the friendly lady again. "You can go start your session with Doctor Sanders." I spilt my coffee al over the table, accidentally. "It's never now." I'm sure she made a mistake or is just testing me. I have 2 sessions a day. The first one lasts a bit longer. My sessions are always at 10.30 am and 4 pm. Same hour every day so I won't be confused. "It's almost half 11, sweetheart." "No it's not!" "Yes it is. You came late to breakfast this morning. "Not true! That's impossible!" I started to raise my voice. "You were in a deep sleep. I came to check on you, I tried to wake you." "That's a lie! I got
no sleep!" "Yes you did." She let me see her watch. She's right. I feel shattered. Is there now nothing left that I can feel? Or I can be sure of? I am in North London, my name is Sarah McGuiness. I was born in Nottingham. That's for sure.

"So Sarah how did you feel yesterday when you had a visitor?" "Happy" "Were you happy?" "Yes." "Were you?" "Yes" "Were you?" "Can I talk to someone else?" "So you liked having someone here but it was the wrong person. Is that what you are telling me?"
"No. It's good that he came." "Why's that?" "Because now I know that atleast one person wants me out this thing." "You want me to bring another person in this thing?" "Max." "Max. Huh." He took another sip of his water and started to write stuff down. "So start with your youth. Have you ever forgotten anything?"
"I forget birthdays." "Something else?" "I won the best liar title at highschool." "What happened?" "I said I never failed a test. Because I was a good girl they all asumed I never had." "What about later?" "I don't know." "Have you never had that feeling again, the feeling of the past days?" "Yes, actually I have. But that was different." "How so?" "Well I started to think why this guy was overreacting and it took me weeks but suddenly I remembered what happend before that might be the cause."
"In one of your previous dreams?" "No. On the sofa." "What did you remember?" "That well how to put is. Sex. I forgot the sex." "Okay, right yes. And Siva kept on giving you signs that something more was up?" "No" "So, you remembered all that suddenly?" "Yep."
"That was before the other incident?" "After the park, before they found Nathan." "So he never talked to you about it? That's a big thing pretending like sex never happened." "I wasn't pretending." "I know your mind was blocking it out. Can you come up with a reason why?" "Yeah I can. Because I was afraid for what might come." "What did you think  that might have happened?" "I don't know. Can't tell. If I knew I might could  prepare myself." "So you rather choose to hide the fact so it won't come out." "That could be possible yeah. But I didn't do it. I didn't hide it." "But what if you do? What if you can control what to erase?" "Ridiculous" "I don't think it's ridiculous."
"I do. Everything would be already taken care of if I remembered. Now I have more dirt up my sleeve." "I'm sure Siva sees it in another light." "Why?" "I had a great conversation with him yesterday. You should be calmer about this subject because you know him better." "Sometimes you never know how someone really is." "Correct." "Maybe I don't want to discover another part?" "You have to break your bubble. Get out. Face things. Solve them. Do what you fear. Open everything." "I need Max." "Maybe you need Nathan first?" "Why?" "Do what you fear. I see you this afternoon, you can go." "Already?" "You were a bit late today."  "No I wasn't"