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"You think you're different to me, don't you?" I tilt my head, staring at each other's lips.
Without breaking eye contact, he slowly stands, making him in control with the advantage in height. I'm the one looking up at him now.
"And you...
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"You nervous?" Quinn asks me, leaning in to look at my face.
"Of course not." I lied, because if the motto 'fake it til you make it' was any real, now would be the best time for me to practice it.
"You'll do great. I'm gonna return to my seat." Quinn smiles before leaving.
I stood aside from the stage while Principal Porter did her long lasting speech. I looked around the faces, most people I knew personally others not really but as the whole graduating class sat on the other side of where I was standing, I told myself not to forget my whole speech.
Knowing Jude was somewhere hidden in that crowd, made me feel more collected. I didn't share with him my whole speech but I had no one else to practice with so he'd have to listen to only the beginning. Reggie, Mom, and even Nonna made it, they were supportive in the last few months.
As valedictorian, it was my job to provide a speech on behalf of the graduating class. Although I had already had a draft written, it didn't mean I didn't spend hours editing it and scratching the original draft. Turns out, I didn't really have anything I could relate to with my peers.
I was well known around the school but when it came to making real connections I had none. I didn't willingly enjoy the people here except for a handful and I rarely knew everyone's name half of the time. My whole high school persona was a false reality.
I have been questioning my identity beyond being 'Anna.' To others, I was simply a spoiled rich girl who had everything she desired. While some envied me due to their own insecurities, their perceptions of me were largely shaped by rumors they had heard.
They probably knew more about me than I did myself. In the last couple of months, I've come to certain realizations. I've done the uncomfortable and the weird. There was one thing I knew for certain when I had uncertainties about everything else.
I wanted Jude in my life, permanently. I knew the old Anna would somehow manage to screw it up. So because of that realization, I've matured about certain things. I'd hop from boy to boy because I was afraid of the commitment and the clinginess but Nonna was right, I'd learn to crave it at some point.
The ways I've gotten to know Jude were all different. I know where he likes me to touch him and what things bother him based on his micro-expressions, I knew his hobbies and when he was thinking. I learned about his family and his worries. I didn't view him as a burden to my life but as an inspiration.
Jude had dreams that were highly achievable. He was smart and determined, qualities I found admirable. I loved Jude because I knew he would lift me up rather than drag me down. We encouraged each other and pushed one another to become the best versions of ourselves.
