The Diary of Ann-Marie [L.T]

Pt. 1 Forget: Eight

Diary Entry #8
4•4•14

So it has been more than a month since I wrote an entry. I guess that's a good thing. It means I'm finally starting not care so much about Louis. It's true.

I'm at the point that I don't care. I haven't wrote for this long. It must mean something. Everday, I don't feel like writing. There's nothing that I really need to write. Everday, everything, is the same all the time. I go to school, go to my classes, see Louis with his friends laughing and having a good time, I never talk to him, then I go home and do my homework and whatever. It's all the same. There's never anything different. I just got so used to the whole routine, I didn't see the use of writing about anything.

I kinda wish when I say that I don't care about him, I meant it. I do care about him. If I didn't, I wouldn't constantly think about him. I wouldn't still be wrting about him. I still care about him. And I hate myself for it.

And so now, the real reason I'm writing is not because of Louis, it's about me. I know this journal is only about Louis, but I just wanted to write it down. It still has to do with Louis sort of.

I made friends. Shocking, I know. Who would've thought that the girl who was weird, read too many book, fangirled over fictional things, and writes a diary about the guy she loves would make friends. But it's true, I made friends!

So here's the whole story on how it happened: Story time!

I was walking out of class, going to lunch like normal, but today was different. Today was pizza day. And trust me, it's not the best pizza, but it's the only food they have at this school that is actually pretty decent so everyone goes crazy. They also go crazy because if you don't get it in time, you're stuck eating the other horrific food that God knows what its made out of. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

So, since it was time for lunch and I was in the middle of the crowd that was going out the door, I was pushed until everyone got out. Finally, everyone left, but I ended up on the floor and I dropped my phone, which was great. I got up, about to grab my phone, but someone grabbed it before me. Her name was Lila. When she looked at the screen, she saw what I was listening to and was so happy because she liked the band( I was listening to Sex by the 1975). We just started chatting about them and other bands all the way to lunch. Then, she asked if I wanted to eat at her table and I said yes. It was the first time I spent my lunch somewhere that wasn't the library.

So I met her other friends. There was Carina and Elena. When they told me their names, I thought, 'both of these chicks have really pretty and unique names what the hell.' But then, there was Katie. When she said her name, I thought, 'well she fucked it up'(sorry if thats mean, but it's kinda true. But I do like her name)

And there were the guys. Danny, Ron, Derek, and Jonas. Even number of friends( that's until I came. Now I fucked it up.) But, they were chill and cool and funny. I had a great time. I could act like myself. I wasn't quiet the entire time, I wasn't nervous or anything. We had fun talking about music and other random stuff. It was fun.

That's when I realized, I don't need him. I have friends now. People who actually talk to me and like me. It's great.

I've spent a big part of high school without friends and obsessing over Louis and now when I finally made friends, I realized how much I missed out.

Louis is a dream and, sadly, will always remain a dream. And some people say to turn your dreams into reality and I totally believe in that, but Louis is the kinda dream that is unable to be turned into my reality. My dream of Louis being mine will never happen. I just have to accept that. I'm starting to, now that I have friends. I starting to see more happiness along the way because of them. I'm starting to realize that it's ok to have friends, I don't need to depend on a boy to make me happy.

But still, no matter how much time passes by, I can be all grown up and on my own, I'm always gonna have a soft spot for Louis.

And that terrifies me.