BE ON CLOUD Masterpieces~A Snippet Collection

BOC Snippet 10-4 Minutes-Unrequited

BOC Snippet

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Unrequited

Win's POV

Unrequited.

Any better word to describe my torture, I do not think so. I think I am in this too deep. 

The first time I met Tonkla was in the most morbid of all places. The mortuary where he came to claim the body of his murdered younger brother. I still remembered how he looked that morning when he came rushing in to look for me at the police station, asked worriedly for his brother. His face messy with sweat and tears building up in his haunting sunken eyes but in my memory, he was still the most beautiful person I have set my eyes on. 

In my profession, the part where we have to break the worst kind of news to people about what happened to their loved ones was always the hardest. My tongue are always stuck somewhere along the way. I always struggled to find the proper words to break the news as gentle as possible, be it about the perpetrator or the victim. It was the victim's families which hit me harder. The raw emotions when every family member learned of the endless variety of misfortune which befell on their beloved. 

For Tonkla, I didn't really have to say much besides informing him that his brother was found murdered by the river bank. There was only one delivery to the mortuary from the post mortem room upstairs that morning. I showed him the black body bag, I observed quietly to see what he will do. 

He approached the body bag slowly. His sobs building in anticipation as I helped to unzip the bag. The standard procedure is to make sure the family of the victims confirms the identity of the victims anyway. This one, his face was horribly disfigured but not unrecognizable. Part of his skull was...dented beyond words. I can only imagine the force of the trauma and the pain this boy faced during his final minutes. 

I watched as he hugged the body and sobbed his heart out. The usual cries of injustice which I expected to see....were none. There he was, sobbing but that was it. He whispered something but I didn't think it was for me to pried so I didn't go anywhere nearer. It was peculiar seeing how this leaner sized young man was hugging a body bigger than him. According to the profile, he was the only living relative of the deceased. 

Usually time was limited for family members coming in to confirm the identity of the dead but I didn't push it. I didn't rush it and just let Tonkla have his time. I don't remember how long I allowed him to sob his heart out in that mortuary room but I was with him the entire time. 

When he finally calmed down and agreed to let me proceed with the paperwork and procedures, that's when I found out he lived in a pretty fancy neighborhood in the city. At first I thought he must be from some rich family but after checking further (yes, I did a background check on him because I can't help it), I found out the dead boy was his only living relatives. Parents dead, no other closer relatives or identified ones at least that's connected to him. He finished college in a prestigious college under scholarship and currently works as some sort of remote computer engineers servicing overseas clients. Maybe that's how he afford to live in that fancy place and to support his brother's education. 

I should have realized then that how he got about supporting his luxury lifestyle was definitely not within his means but when someone as blindly in love like me, I guess, I just choose to ignore all the warning signs. 

Added to the incident where we...To put crudely, fucked, yeah I know I am in deep. 

It wasn't my intention for that to happen but alas, it did. He seduced me, I fell for it and I don't regret it. He was the most beautiful creature I have the privilege to bed. He was all so beautiful. So beautiful. So wanton begging me for more. For more affection. He allowed me to do anything to him and he doesn't mind playing rough. Too rough at times. 

After a few rounds with him that evening, I knew for sure his experiences in the art of...love making is intense and rich. That meant, he has someone before me. 

It hurts but that's not a fact that I can change. I knew after we are done, if I would ever to keep this beautiful creature in my life, I must not demand. I must not push too hard. I must not give too much either. This is what people would say, I have to turn myself into a doormat. 

I can see it. 

Every time he is with me, he might be sleeping with me, his body becoming with me but his moans were never for me. When he looks as at me, it was as if he was looking past me. Beyond me or just imagining me as someone else. 

Probably the someone who gave him this luxury lifestyle. Probably the real someone who held his heart. 

I can't be too greedy. I mean, I can but I just can't show it. 

I want this man to see only me, to love only me, to surrender only to me. And I know for that that to happen, I probably have to play the long game. I am a policeman, playing the long game is like investigating a really long case I guess. I am not afraid of that. 

I just pray that one day when he look and me and smiled at me, that feelings is genuinely is only all for me. 

Until that happens, I guess, I have to be content for my feelings to stay unrequited. 

Yeah, I am an adult. I will survive this, I guess. 

Unrequited