When it happens.

3: New me?

The dream of summer 2012
I'm by my tree on the year anniversary of my mums death, I miss her but she is happier where she is so I use that to move on, my dad won't, he blames himself, I know he does. My dad sleep talks, mostly to my mum but sometimes it's to my brother who's two year death anniversary was last week.

Me and my dad were close, very close. We played dress up and I'd do his makeup which was hilarious as he is tall and very muscular with a natural tan look from is grandmother who is Spanish, that's also where I get it from I guess.

Like I do every year I do a portrait of my mum on my fancy sketch pad that she got me which I only use for these things, anniversaries.

I place the portrait between the glass in the frame that I bought awhile ago and I walk away slowly wishing this was a dream where I have a mum and annoying brother back but I've been wishing that for around two years and I doubt that will happen.

I get home and I go to the door, I stop when I hear screaming over my music, I slowly take out my earphones and I listen but by the time I can make out two different voices I hear a person slam a hallway door and come this way so I step back a few feet and go round a corner and I see my dad throw out aunt cherry and go back in side once she is gone, far away into the distance.

Half an hour later I go inside and I put a blanket on my passed out dad. I go upstairs to find, nothing, I found nothing. I was surprised but I didn't mind much so I just fell asleep.

I woke up to my dad walking around and I go downstairs, I see him smile and I know and thank god he is in a good mood.

"Hey dad." I say and smile putting bread in the toaster.

"Hey princess." He says while he kisses the side of my head

"So, anything happen yesterday?" I ask while he pours his milk in his coffee.

"Why." He asks suddenly harsh and angry
"No reason daddy, but your angry, why?" I ask trying to sound innocent and calming, not excited and curious.

"No good whores." He mumbles under his breath.
"I guess breakfast will be a family meeting, dining table, when your ready." He says and leaves with his coffee.

I butter my toast while walking to the dining table, I sit down as my dad sighs.
"Now this is a story so let me finish and don't interrupt." He says and I nod while eating.
"Your auntie left us, she didn't go to her sisters funeral, as you remember, she abandoned us and she came here yesterday, said that she wants your mothers things, remember that she is a horrible lady, she probably wanted to sell it, but we had an argument and I threw her out." He says and by argument I knew he meant fight but I didn't care I was furious, she wanted to leave us then steal our memories, how dare she.

Ten am
I wake up sore from the events of yesterday so I grab the water and painkillers of my side table by my bed and I take them. While I wait for them to work I listen to music trying to get the dream out of my head but the music can't drown it out this time.

I get up when my pain is fully numbed to a dull ache and I go to my bathroom and I look at myself in the mirror, it's weird, I look like the girl I've always wanted to be, I look strong, confident but mostly I look like a fighter, I guess that's what I am, and now I will aspire to be me, the real me.

I wash my face and I clean my new piercings with the measurements of salt to boiling water left to cool so the salt dissolves and I go to my now full wardrobe and I change to work out gear which consists of cropped leggings, trainers and a sports bra so I can show off my new tattoo, even if it's to no one since the basement of my aunties house is a pool and gym.