When it happens.

15: Hold my hand?

Bipolar disorder:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Jade

I wake up slumped over the bed, Darren has had the tubes taken out and now only has an oxygen mask, he is still asleep and hasn't been awake yet. He has tubes in his arm giving him fluids. He looks so calm, it's surprising with what he has gone through.

I sit up and stretch clicking my back in the process.

"You know that's not good for your back right?" The nurse says from the door.

"Oh, sorry." I say and I look over at Darren.

"He is ok, just resting. We pumped his stomach because we didn't know how much he took but the process will make him sore. Are you ok?" She asks.

"Yeah, what's going to happen when he wakes up?" I ask.

"Well, he'll be put into therapy if he wants, the risperdal he was on hasn't helped so he will probably have to try other medications, during that time he will need to me monitored constantly. Physically he can leave when he can eat properly again, his stomach has been stretched so it can be difficult for some." She explains. I just nod.

"Ok thank you." I say and sigh as I look at Darren and the contours of his physique.

"Do you want anything? Hot chocolate? Coffee?, food?" She asks sympathetically.

"Hot chocolate, if it's no trouble." I say.

"Not at all pet, one hot chocolate coming up." She says and turns away.

"Wait." I say and she turns. "What's your name?" I ask.

"Annabel." She says with a smile and walks off. I lean back in my chair and I realize something. She is the same nurse as the one in the hospital when my dad died. Wow, I guess she transferred, well at least there is a familiar face around here now.

I rest my hand on Darren's cold hand and I close my eyes. Why was this happening to me? I just want a normal life, is that too much to ask?

I stare off in the distance for so long I almost didn't notice that Annabel brought in a hot chocolate. I thanked her and she left because she was called somewhere else.

I take a sip and shrug, I prefer Darren's hot chocolate. I prefer his annoying perfect smile and white teeth. I prefer his sarcasm and ability to make me feel perfect, I prefer him.

I set my hot chocolate down and I stand up, I take one step to the side so I'm in front of his head, I run my hand through his thick hair and kiss his forehead. I step out and go to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and see the birds nest of my hair and lifeless pale skin. I fix my hair back in a messy bun and I lean on the wall, thinking of everything we did together, how he held me, kissed me, loved me. I open my eyes and I see a little colour has come back to my cheeks but is fading, I sigh and just walk back to Darren's room. I stand where his head is again and kiss his forehead.