Changes are Cruel // Vikklan

Prologue

Edited

Looking in the mirror, I see I'm truly nothing; worthless. I'm a nobody, just someone whose locked themselves behind a façade of happiness and forces out smiles to make sure people aren't harmed.

I help anyone and everybody, and I try my hardest to ensure their safety and happiness first, but I can't even promise my own. I've saved people, helped them, but they always seem to say the same damn thing-

"You're so strong. I look up to you so much, and I'm so happy that you showed me happiness. How could I ever be like you?"

But that's just the thing; I'm broken and they'll never know. Most of the time, it's like I can't even breathe and realize I am just a fake.

I scanned myself over in the mirror, my flaws and imperfections like red flags that blocked out any positivity. I often like to think I'm just a broken toy, but for some reason I haven't been thrown out, and I still wonder why.

I rubbed my finger down the glass of the mirror, my reflection following my every move. I watched myself, got lost in my hideously dull blue eyes and ugly blonde hair.

It's stupid how I could be so much better, but I just can't because of society and insecurities.

I couldn't even muster up enough courage to greet the new kid just out of fear of the jocks that hung around him. I couldn't even think of ever looking his direction without the ever looming fear of the jocks skinning me alive.

Was I just that pathetic?

I let out an unsteady sigh and left the bathroom to the corner of my room. I turned around to fall backwards against the wall, letting out a breath as it winded me before sliding down the surface and hitting the floor roughly.

I stared across the room in a haze before just closing my eyes and forcing myself to sleep. It was better than life, and I would rather deal with a dreamless escape than a nightmare reality.

. . .

I had been woke up by the sun shining through the lids of my eyes. Groaning loudly, I scrunched up my face and leaned up from the wall with an underlying pain stretching across every muscle of my body.

I licked over my lips and wiped the sleep from my eyes before proceeding to stand up on tingly, painful legs. I hissed with every step, hobbling to the bathroom and keeping my eyes on the floor.

If I looked in the mirror, I'd only hate myself more.

I raked my fingers through my hair and messed it up, so sadly I had to look in the mirror to adjust it. I bit my tongue as I looked over my pale skin that seemed so fat and obese. I looked down to my wrists and arms to see pale scars with bright new ones, and then I looked down to my covered thighs where more hid underneath.

I felt puny, weak, and disgusting, but I couldn't keep myself in my thoughts too much longer. I had to get ready.

I looked back up to my face and imagined the black hair of the new boy and how his eyes seemed so bright and welcoming. He was tiny compared to everyone around him, and I wanted badly to see how tall I was to him; I knew I'd tower over him easily.

I imagined his soft smile and how it made me weak to the knees, but I knew he looked at me like everyone else did; worthless.

He heard the fake rumors and negativity, and he become like everyone else; a monster.

No one would ever understand how he snapped like a twig and became so heartless and menacing, and I hated every bone in his body for it.

All because of snotty jocks, he became my worst tormentor and my worst enemy. He made me hate myself and realize I was worth absolutely nothing. I was more worthless than trash, and that said a lot.

I knew that because of him, he'd be the cause of my death, and I'd go happily.

Maybe then I'd be happy, and maybe then they'll see words hurt like a bitch and that they killed me, but it's not like they would care.

I was worthless to them anyways.