Changes are Cruel // Vikklan

Chapter 3

A loud yawn came from my mouth as I stirred awake. I looked around the room, seeing I was still in the hallway before my front door. I must have fallen asleep.

I stretched my arms and legs out, feeling piercing pains across my body. Then, it flooded back. All of the kicks and punches that had been used upon me. With a sad frown, I scampered to my feet and rushed to my room. I don't want to go to school, but I must. I will stay strong.

I threw on the nearest clothes to me, a red hoodie and black skinny jeans. I jumped as I pulled my jeans up, for they were pretty difficult to just pull up. I slipped my hoodie over my head and scanned the room for my shoes. A puzzled expression crossed my face as I could not find them. "What the fuck?"I muttered, beginning to throw things everywhere in my room to find the pair of red converse.

I mentally slapped myself when I remembered I had pulled them off downstairs. I shook my head in pure shame before waking into my bathroom, scanning myself in the mirror. For once, I had no injuries to my face. All the wounds are under clothing where no one could see. Just like me, I hide my broken emotions within myself, while expressing false smiles and laughs.

I ruffled my blonde hair slightly, looking into the mirror at my blue orbs. They looked so dull and lost. It was like someone had smeared the color or had covered it in ash. My eyes were glossed over, emotions switching in them too fast to recognize.

"So ugly. This I why I am hated and am beaten." I whispered, rubbing a shaky finger down the pristine mirror over my reflection. With a sigh, I pulled back from the mirror and left through the door. I ran down the steps and down the narror hallway. At the end was the front door, and beside it was my shoes placed nearly on the ground. I sat down on the ground beside my shoes and began to pull them on my feet.

Once both shoes were on, I paused. I stared blankly at the wall, beginning to wonder what would happen today. Would I be beat until I was passed out like they had done before? Would I be left to die after bleeding heavily? Would it be that one lucky day I don't even get in sight of them? Hell, what am I saying, I never get away from them.

I quickly scampered to my feet and looked to the clock on the wall, hearing it tick with every second. It read, 8:30 am. I was late. So, so late. It may be just thirty minutes late, but that was a big deal for me. My bullies would beat me more since I wasn't there for them to torment like they always did in the mornings.

I didn't bother eating, I was always called fat anyways. I deserve to feel that clawing ache that lays in the pit of your stomach, growling like hungry dogs. I deserve it all, the beatings, the comments, the hunger, and the pain. The pain of knowing I will never see the light of day that once brought such joy when I was younger. The sky, with its bright clouds and burning sun, was my solitude. I would sit outside for hours after school, smiling as I made shapes out of the fluffy balls we always claimed were animals or food; even celebrities.

Now, I spend my nights outside, staring at the stars and moon. I would just admire how bright one star could be one night, then it becomes dull so quickly the next. It was like me, if I'm completely honest. Stars resemble me so well. They burn brightly in the beginning, shedding their light for the world's joy. Then, they grow so dull with little to no time, becoming so dark and small with every second. It just becomes so consumed by pain, it can't live anymore. Then, one day, you look up at that same star you have been observing, and it is gone; vanished into thin air. No more traces of existence.

I fight the tears rising in my eyes as I slow to a walk, wiping my eyes with my sleeves. A shaky sigh leaves my mouth as I look ahead of me, seeing the red-bricked building in view. "Stay that happy soul they believe you are." I whispered with a raspy voice. I picked my pace up to a fast walk, trying to hold back all sadness eating at my heart. It was a tingling pain I felt, numbing it slowly.

I reached the gates of hell, stopping in my tracks and just contemplating if I should go or not. I could leave and just call in sick. I mean, I don't have to be here. But, I must. I must tough it out.

I walked, regrettable, towards the front entrance. I hesitated before pushing the door open and walking to the front office. Inside sat the assistant prinicipal, who must be working in the office today. The office staff must have called in sick, like I was wanting to do.

I forced the false smile that everyone seemed to believe and walked up to the desk, gulping down the lump in my throat. "Hello, I need to check in." She said nothing but slid a clipboard across the countertop. I grabbed a pen that was connected to the desk by a small beaded chain and began to sign myself in. I finished and looked up at her, seeing she looked annoyed.

The sound of the printer clicked on and out came a slip of paper. She handed it to me and gave a fast wave. My smile faltered as I grabbed the paper and began my walk out of the office and down the hallways. I was back to my sad expression, the one I have grown so accustomed to.

I sucked in a deep breath before putting back on that damn fake smile. I turned a corner down yet another corridor; the one all of my classes were on. I stopped outside of my art class. Maybe the teacher would simply take my tardy slip and not yell at me for being late, besides the fact that I am legally excused.

I slowly reached for the door handel and swung it open. I slipped inside and watched as everyone's eyes snapped in my direction. My heart was beating rapidly, my stomach twisting, my hands began to become clamy. I tried to calm my breathing as I took the treacherous walk across the front of the room to Mr. Smith's desk.

His cold, brown eyes bored into mine, sending chills down my spine. It was like as if you were standing in the middle of a dark wooded area, alone in the pitch black. You see glowing eyes in the bushes and become so terrified. You don't know what it is; you can only beg it won't eat you. That is how I feel.

I let my head hang as I held out the slip of paper that may save or lead me to embarrassment. I felt it snatch from my grip and a groan ring through the man's mouth. I looked up to see anger flashing in his hazel orbs. This could mean life or death. It is either I am yelled at to the point I am in tears, or I am saved because of the flimsy sheet of paper. Fuck, I hope he just leaves me be.

Eyes so cold it scares innocent souls. You are so cruel with those evil orbs. I am haunted by them, yet I am attracted to them. Why? Even I don't have an answer. Why do I always have Vikk's eyes on my mind?