Changes are Cruel // Vikklan

Chapter 8

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I groaned as I raised from the floor, dried blood upon the tiles. I shook my throbbing head and stood, using the counter to stable myself. My legs tried to buckle, but my grip was firm. I observed myself in the mirror, seeing black bags under my eyes. My blue orbs looked dull and dark.

I stood without help and held my arms out, seeing the slits lining up both arms from last night's event. Every single cut stung, every line of blood still showed. I grabbed a towel and dabbed it with water, wiping off my arm no matter the pain. I winced with the contact the cloth made, but I have felt worse pain. Worse pain like the clawing sensation at the bottom of my heart that gets more aggressive with every insult I hear.

I shook my head and rolled my sleeves down, careful of my scars. I knawed into my lip as I exited my room and walked down the stairs. I can't go to School, so what is there to do? If I stay home all day, I will end up on my death bed because of my dark mind. I'll end up with such tattered wrists.

I ended up deciding to stay home. If I end up dead, at least I can be happy and free. With a shaky sigh, I slid my back down the hallway wall and let my mind wander.

~*~

I have watched the sun rise and fall from this wall. I refused to leave, I was scared. If I left, there would be no telling what I was capable of.

The sun had just rose, meaning it was time to return to dreaded hell. I heaved myself up off of the ground and stretched, hearing the crackling pops from my bones. My back was sore from my position, but like I have said before, I have felt worse pain.

It took no time changing clothes and walking down the sidewalk. I watched cars pass, feeling the easy breeze each one set off. Like before, the building came in view. I entered and didn't bother putting on a smile. I didn't bother forcing that false laugh. It doesn't matter anymore.

I could hear whispers from students in the halls. Some were audible like, "Lachlan is back? I heard he was stopped before he killed a teacher." or "Didn't he cuss a teacher out? Poor thing." I scoffed at their comments and quickened my pace. Everything didn't seem right. The atmosphere felt heavy.

I ignored my feeling and rushed to my locker. I wasted no time in opening it and grabbing my items. I slammed the door and turned, coming face-to-face with Mitch. Of all people, why him? "Heard you got in major trouble, huh, depressed fag." I ignored the remark, shoving past him and into my classroom. Normally, I would have denied it all. I just can't bother with this.

I sat down in my desk, not even caring to observe the art lining the walls like I normally did to pass time. I just don't feel the same. My heart felt gone; like it wasn't there anymore. The bell rung loudly and the door closed. I didn't look up.

I played with my fingers, my eyes slightly closed with sorrow. "Lachlan, I hope you learned your lesson." I stayed silent, not daring to look up at Mr. Smith. My eyes were watering, meaning I was on the verge of tears. "Are you even listening? Mister, do you need to be suspended longer?" I clenched my teeth. If I am suspended, then at least I have more time to tear my skin up more, I wanted to say, but I resisted the urge. "Lachlan!"

By the time I looked up, the teacher had stormed up to my desk and was glaring at me with his hands on the desk. I sniffled slightly, looking back down. I closed my eyes, just noticing I had received no problem from Vikk. Was he even here? "Boy, answer me when I'm talking to you!" I looked up, glaring. "Maybe if you left me alone! You aren't my parents. Last time I checked, I had none. So, back off!" I screamed, slamming my hands on the desk and running out. I didn't look back. I didn't care to.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I detoured into the restroom, collapsing in a stall against a wall. I held my legs to my chest and cried harder. Tears fell violently as I couldn't stay strong any longer. That teacher wasn't what broke me like he did, it was everything in the past I have been put through. All of that shit I was forced into. If I was still straight I could have friends, but no, the world granted me with being in love with the same sex.

I held my breath as I heard footsteps enter the bathroom. "Lachlan?" Why was he in here? Why can't he just leave me be? "I know you're in he-" I should have closed that damn stall door. I knew I should have.

Vikk ran into the stall that I was in, falling to the ground beside me. "Are you okay? The teacher sent me after you." I bit my lip, holding in my tears. I began to tremble, locking eyes with Vikk. I don't know why I did it, but I grabbed him in the tightest hug I could manage. I let loose there in the crook of his neck, crying rivers. I was shaking in his arms, breaking before his very eyes. He was whispering sweet nothings in my ear to calm me, which was slowly taking effect.

I pulled back from the needed hug, wiping my teary eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. I winced, though, because of the fresh marks upon my arms. He noticed and gasped, grabbing my arms and rolling my sleeves up like he had done before. Every slit he ran a finger over and kissed. It was like he was kissing the pain away, like my mother used to do.

I watched as he finished, observing every line on my wrist. Some fresh, some old. "Promise me," he whispered softly, "to never cut again. Please? I beg of you." He had looked up, gazing into my eyes. I was lost in his own, lost from reality as I swam in those hazel orbs. What was happening to me? Was I growing feelings for my bully?

I nodded my head, not too sure if I could keep the promise, but I would try. He hugged me yet again, making me feel alive again. His arms embraced me like no one ever would. He warmed me like I haven't felt in years. I felt safe, yet I felt concerned. I wanted to trust him, yet I still feared I would break deeper from anyone's grasp.

Warming hugs are sparking lights that I haven't felt since my mother was alive. I became lost in your eyes; the ones that I was fearing before. I want to trust you, yet I am afraid. What am I to do?