eighteen » l.h

28.

would you guys like the group conversations back?

(partially edited im too lazy)

5 days had passed and I hadn't said a word to Luke. He would call for me to come downstairs and eat with him but I wouldn't. I'd just get my plate of food and walk back up the stairs. I didn't even glance at him.

I was so fucking disgusted; I still am actually.

What we were doing was pretty disgusting too, well at least to some people, but I'd never thought it'd get this disgusting.

I feel like I have lost respect not only to my body, but to myself. It was as if my dignity was stripped away from me.

And the most fucked up thing about was that I moaned while he was spanking me. I had found a little bit of pleasure in it and I can't help but feel so disgusted with myself because of that.

A knock on my door interrupts my negative thoughts. God, I hope it isn't him. The door opens to reveal the dark haired boy, the same boy who 5 days ago, had a make out session with me.

He slowly closes the door behind him after he takes a step in, turning to look at me with a hurt expression. He used to be so happy before all of this. I shouldn't have dragged him into this mess.

"Estelle, please just listen to what I have to say." He quietly says, taking a few steps towards me. I only nod and move my eyes to the foot of my bed, indicating that it was okay if he wanted to sit down. The memory of him and I on this bed flash through my head, bringing me nothing but pain.

He takes a seat down on my bed, his structure stiff. He twiddles his thumbs around, giving me the idea that he was battling with himself on what to say. He isn't the same anymore; his face is pulled down and I take notice in his eyes when he moves them to mine. They're red and almost bloodshot; I feel so horrible.

"I want to say that I regret giving you the idea of letting me be your fake boyfriend but I honestly don't." He says with his head hung low.

"I don't regret anything, Estelle. I enjoyed every moment I had with you, sexual or not. I really enjoyed it. At first, I promised myself that I wouldn't fall for you. But with the whole thing about being your 'fake boyfriend', that only made things turn into a different path. I broke my promise and I fell for you. Estelle, I am crazy, madly, deeply-"

"Please stop." I cut him off.