Closet Nerds and Fanfiction Authors

You're In Ruins

Dean woke the next day to his phone vibrating softly on the table next to him. He reached over to see Cas's name on the caller ID. 

"Hey, Cas."

Cas sounded defeated as he replied, "Hello, Dean."

"Why haven't you answered me? I was starting to think your dad had killed you or something."

"About that... Dean we can not be in touch anymore. Not because I'm scared of my dad, I mean he is scary but I would take a beating to meet someone who appreceates my works but I don't want to pull  you into this. You don't need to be involved I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me."

"Cas, I will be more careful. I get it, no visits on weekends and I have to make sure your parents aren't home before coming to visit."

"Dean, no. I'm sorry I really wanted to get to know you but I can't put you in danger like that, I'm sorry it's for the best."

And then he hung up. Just like that, he was gone. Dean felt like Cas had wanted a friend but was too scared to have one. He understood. So what? It's notlike you haven't lost friends before. Remember Ruby? Dean laid back in his bed and stared at his ceiling. If you only liked him as a friend, why does it hurt so much to lose him? Dean grabbed his phone and decided to text the only person he trusted with things like this. 

Dean: Hey Charles I need your help. 

Charlie: What's my name in your phone right now?

Dean: *sigh* fine. I'm changing it back right now. 

Queen of Rainbows:You better. I'll be hacking your phone later to check. Now, you needed my assistance? 

Dean: I think I like somebody but they keep pushing me away... 

Queen of Rainbows: You liked Ruby but didn't need my help when she stabbed you in the back. 

Dean: I LIKE this person. Like, like like them. 

Queen of Rainbows: Show up on their doorstep and tell them. 

Dean: They won't let me. 

Queen of Rainbows: Just show up. 

Dean decided that maybe she was right, so he texted Gabe. 

Dean: Your parents are gone right?

Gabriel: Yeah, why? 

Dean: I'm coming over to cheer up Cas. 

Gabriel: He's been really down I'm afraid he's done something stupid please don't be upset with him when you find out. 

Dean: Find out what?

Gabriel: Not my secrets to tell, Dean-o.

Dean sighed and got dressed, grabbing his keys and heading out to his car. He drove to Cas's place and parked on the same dirt road as before, walking quietly up the driveway. He saw Cas out in the yard, walking around and even dancing to music a little and turning up the volume to his headphones. He was casually pulling weeds from the garden and carrying buckets of weeds away to a pile. Dean slowed his walking when he heard Cas stop and start singing to music only he could here. Dean was glad there was no music for him to heard, because it would have only drowned out Castiel's beautiful voice. 

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

Dean almost cried as Cas pulled off his shirt and revealed scars, old and new, lining the inside of his wrists. Cas sat down in the grass, his cheery mood now dissipated by the sad song that obviously struck so close to his heart. 

One, twenty one guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, twenty one guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

Dean watched as Cas let a single tear fall down his cheek. Cas stared at his wrists before looking away in disgust and letting another fall silently. Dean wondered why this song hit him so hard, and then it occurred to him that maybe Cas was so broken that he felt he had no pieces to be put together again. Dean understood that pain, he had felt it himself. The pain that makes it feel as though you are no longer shattered pieces on the ground, but dust in the wind, something so broken not even the best people could fix you. 

One, twenty one guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, twenty one guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, twenty one guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, twenty one guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,

One, twenty one guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, twenty one guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Dean let a tear fall slowly down his face and watched as Cas broke, he curled into a ball and his body shook with the sobs that racked his body. Gabriel came out and comforted him, he saw Dean standing in their yard and just shook his head, silently sending Dean a message. 

Seeing you will only make it worse. 

And with that thought Dean was gone, he found his car and drove back to the motel, laying on his bed with a groan. Dean decided that maybe tomorrow Cas would be feeling better. So Dean took a shower and climbed into his bed, reading on his phone and playing games until late at night, when he finally resolved to sleep now and visit Cas after he woke up, maybe then he wouldn't be upset to see him.