Closet Nerds and Fanfiction Authors

Sticks And Stones Are Nothing Compared To This

{A/N: I'm listening to The Supernatural Parody by The Hillywood Show right now and I'm literally dancing and writing at the same time whilst also singing so... Talent. Also thanks for all the reads, comments and votes. So sorry by the way I apologize in advance thanks for commenting on my story. Also, Trigger warning for self harm and suicidal thought/actions.Also for child abuse I'll put warning before they start}

Castiel

Dean had gone back to his motel and Cas sat alone in his room, staring at the ceiling and struggling to not go into the bathroom and get his blades. He wanted to get clean. He wanted to do it for Dean. Castiel started to silently cry with the effort of being strong and he grabbed his notebook from under his desk; writing poetry to attempt to distract his mind. 

Cas gave up after an hour and tried snapping a rubber band to keep away the urges to hurt himself. He thought about how worthless he was and how much he disappointed his parents;even though he tried not to. Cas tried listening to music to cheer himself up. He went through about three songs before he gave up that idea as well. 

Cas left his room and joined Gabriel on the couch. He watched some stupid show Gabe enjoyed before silently leaving back to his room. He read some and then went to sleep. 

Cas sat in a field watching some old man fly a kite. It was peaceful until he looked over and saw Dean,  crying next to a hospital bed in the middle of some bushes. Cas walked over to him and he couldn't see who was actually in the hospital bed, just that he had dark hair and he was hooked to a bunch of machines. 

Cas backed away and stumbled to a bench where he sat down and thought about what he had just seen. 

Castiel jolted awake to see is father pulling away the parts of his bed to wake him. 

"Is this all you did today? Why am I even asking of course it was You're just a lazy shit who makes his younger brother do all the work." 

"Do you need me?"

"No but you can't sleep all day and get away with it."

"Dad I didn't sleep-"

"Bullshit come on, dinner's ready."

Cas sighed, not hungry and went down to the kitchen where he got a plate with as little food as he could get away with and joining the rest of his family on the couch to watch some show while they ate; it kept them from ripping each other's throats out. 

Cas zoned out after finishing his meal and laid back into the couch; not falling asleep but thinking to himself about what he had done to screw things up so badly for himself. 

When they finished their show they brought their dishes into the kitchen and started to wash up. Castiel did most of the work, as usual, and when he was done he turned to walk away and go brush his teeth. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To brush my teeth."

"No, you're going to finish helping us with the dishes."

Cas couldn't push down his anger this time. He stood up straighter and he knew he was just making it worse but he had nothing to lose if he died; Dean would go back to his home and forget about him and Gabriel would get over his death. His mom would be happy and his dad would be pleased with himself. So he fought back. 

"No. You know what? I'm done doing the shit you won't. You leave your things all over the house and expect us to pick it up for you and I do most of the work around here. I try to be a good son and I vacuum the house and I clean it and I scrub the floors like a maid. I keep my room clean and I take care of things you want but won't take care of. But I'm done. I'm done for not getting credit where credit is due. I'm sick of taking care of you lazy assholes and being treated worse than the dogs. If you want me to be lazy then fine I will be. I won't take care of your shit and I'll be the lazy son you think I am. Have fun picking up after yourself."

{Trigger for Child Abuse}

Cas turned and stared to stalk away before he was grabbed by his arm and thrown to the floor, his dad yelling things in his face that were too horrible to ever be repeated. His dad kicked him in the side and threw scissors at his chest. He felt a glass shatter over his head and he just ignored it; all of it. When his dad told him to leave and never come back Cas made sure he wouldn't come back. 

{Trigger for child abuse ends and the one for self harm/suicidal thoughts/actions starts here}

Cas limped to the bathroom and cleaned himself up. He picked glass for his head and stepped into the shower. Castiel pulled his blades from where he had hidden the on top of the shower and he slid them across his skin, the cuts getting deeper with every stroke and he eventually cut deep enough to bleed. Really, truly bleed. He collapsed on the shower floor and heard Gabriel come running into the bathroom, finding his brother in a pool of blood in the shower. 

{End trigger warnings}

Gabriel called an ambulance and when they arrived his parents refused to get out of their bed so Gabriel rode with Cas to the hospital, crying the whole way. Cas struggled to remain conscious and his vision blurred and heard the people yelling and he was rushed into the hospital as they tried to stop the bleeding. He heard the doctors yelling and he thought he heard something like "He might not make it, Amy would you go comfort his brother?" 

Cas thought he heard a beeping of a heart monitor before everything went completely black. 

~OoOoOoOoOo~

When Cas finally came to he wasn't in a hospital. He was in a black place with a small light very far away. He thought he heard a familiar voice but he couldn't place it. Didn't people always say not to go to the light? Well if it means I'm going to die I might as well walk toward it. Cas began walking slowly towards it, it looked miles away but he could have sworn that with every step towards it the voices became more clear and more familiar. He thought he heard the word coma but he just shook his head and kept walking, ignoring the pain in his wrist and the echoing voices that swirled around him.