Closet Nerds and Fanfiction Authors

Violins

Dean laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about how Cas had broken down yesterday and wondered if that happened often. Then he thought back to the scars on Cas's body. Dean thought about the ones Cas had obviously put there himself, and the ones that were in places it would be too hard to reach. Dean thought about the way that that song had broken Cas to the point of tears, it was just a song about - oh. Oh. 
Dean had been focusing so hard on why the song hurt Cas so much that he didn't realize, that was a song about heartbreak. It was a song about someone breaking you inside. The realization hit him like a train. That song hurts Cas because he had his heart broken, but how? 

Dean grabbed his phone and texted Gabriel, trying to get answers. 

Dean: Just realized that Cas was crying over a song about heartbreak, who hurt him? 
Gabriel: He had this boyfriend once, he loved him so much, Dean, and when our parents found out they flipped and they filed a restraining order on the kid. 
Dean: That's not so bad, nothing to really break over. 
Gabriel: Yes, but when the restraining order was lifted the kid wanted nothing to do with Cas. He found out Cas had been cutting again while the order was in place and he just left him when he knew he needed it the most. Dean, he found himself another guy and moved on while leaving Cas to die. 
Dean: Oh my god where does this kid live?

Gabriel: An hour away, I'm not giving you anything else I don't want you killing him. 
Dean: Fine, I have other methods anyway. 

And with that he stopped texting Gabe. Dean rolled over in his bed, trying to think of ways to get Cas to talk to him. Dean thought back to the music Cas listened, trying to remember the song he had been singing and dancing to before he broke down. He knew he had been singing Green Day, but what was the song before that? And who was it by? He gave up and decided to call and ask Gabriel.

"Gabriel, what music does Cas listen to?"

"Depends on his mood. When he's writing (or reading oh that reminds me I have a picture to send you) he listens to plain violin and piano on his violins station on Pandora. When he doesn't really wants words but want to dance he listens to Lindsey Stirling. When he wants to relax and just sit and stare he listens to his AC/DC radio but most of the time, like yesterday, he listens to his Fall Out Boy radio, why?"

"Thanks, Gabe!"

And he hung up. Dean went to his Pandora app and created a new station. Dean listened for a good song on the station, one that he could use, and sat patiently. Dean listened to the song he thought had had Cas in a good mood and found himself dancing a little bit as it played. He looked at the title of the song out of curiosity and discovered it was by Fall Out Boy. Hm, I thought this band was gonna be crap but I guess you shouldn't judge by the name of things. 

And then the perfect song to use came on. 
He knew Cas would know it, and he decided that this one would do just fine. So he paused it and looked up the lyrics, transferring them to his note in his phone. 

And he opened a new message to Cas. 

 Dean: Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

Dean: It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

  Cas: Hey
You know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
Live right now

Just be yourself

It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

Dean: I got an answer! 

Cas: Yes, but only because you did something that both mad me extremely happy and want to die at the same time. 

Dean: Oh god, what did I do?

Cas: It's not your fault. I'm sure Gabriel told you about my last boyfriend?

Dean: Yeah...?

Cas: He used to send me song lyrics to cheer me up. 

Dean: Don't think about hims, Cas. He's an asshole. Just think about how I will always be here, and even if your parents file a restraining order I will still wait for you. 

What am I saying

Cas: Don't say what you don't mean, Dean. Everyone leaves me sooner or later when they find out how broken I am. 

Dean: Cas I know about the cutting. I saw you break down yesterday but Gabe motioned for me to leave because he didn't want me to upset you. 

Cas: Oh. 

Dean: Yeah, I'm gonna shower and stuff now, talk to you later? Don't do anything stupid. 

Cas: No promises. 

Dean went to hop in the shower when he got a text from Gabriel, with two pictures. 

Gabriel: Thought you might like to see what Cas does all day. 

The first picture was one of Cas laying on his stomach with his laptop in front of him. He was reading on it and all the lights in his room were off, he was laying in his bed, his hair ruffled and his shirt riding up to show just a slip of skin above his wait. Hi pants had fallen off slightly and a bit of his hips showed, along with two adorable dimples at the base of his spine; and a small birthmark in between the two dimples. I want to kiss that birthmark. No. NO don't think that. Bad Dean, bad. 

The second picture was one of him stretching his back. He had his arms stretched over his head and his shirt had come up to reveal half of his stomach and Dean almost drooled at the sight of Cas's sharp hip bones. 

Gabriel then sent him a video with no caption. 

The video was probably boring to anyone else, it was about three minutes of nothing but Cas drinking from a glass of water, typing on his laptop and listening to some sort of violin music that Dean actually found himself being relaxed by. No wonder Cas listened to this while he was writing it was actually quite soothing. 

Dean started a new station on his Pandora that soothed him while he showered, the violins radio. He let himself relax and hummed along to some of the music while washing himself, vowing to thank Gabriel for that video. 

{A/N: Hey so some of that I am guilty about stealing from my life, like Cas's music tastes, yeah all of that is true about me. I'm actually listening to my violins station right now. I heard about it from another author and how it helped them clam down so I tried it and it works. Also, if you're like me and have troubles sleeping I recommend the "Nature" radio, there's actually not a lot of nature sounds but like piano sounds and stuff. Also the position Cas is in when he's reading is me as well, but I stand up to stretch and walk around. Anyway this chapter is one of my shortest and the actual chapter itself is 1119 words... I write a lot, and talk a lot I'm boring you sorry I just wanted to say thanks for reading.}