Hello my rainbows, I'm back and here's this topic, I'll finish my story on depression another time, it's a rough topic for me so I'm sorry. Anyway to my chapter
I've been insecure my whole life, when I was little, I wasn't the "skinny pretty girl." I was the girl who loved food and was fat. My family always joked around about how "chubby" I was but I knew I was fat and it hurt to see people I love joke around that topic so easily. It also didn't help that the girls I hung around at that time called me names as well. This is my biggest reason for my insecurty.
The way I talk is another, I have a really stupid voice and it doesn't help that I like expressing my opinions. Also my vocabulary isn't the best, I'm always messing up on words and pronouncing them wrong even when I know the word perfectly. It's not that I don't know the word, I do but the pronunciation just doesn't stick to my head. This makes me really feel stupid and dumb when I'm actually very smart.
Back to my weight, since I've grown taller I look skinny and all but I'm not I still feel fat and I know I am I see my weight on the scale and 140 pounds just is such an ugly number to me, most people say it's a perfect weight but not to me and I hate it.
Another insecurity of mine is how I look. I know looks usually aren't important to people but I'm just hideous, people say I look pretty and all but by all means it's just them being kind. I'm a disgusting human and I'm pretty sure nobody will ever be into me. Having glasses your whole life doesn't quite help either.
I have many insecurity but I will only write one more because I don't want to bore any of you, I bet I am so sorry. My last big insecurity is how fast/ who I fall for. Every time I fall for anyone it's someone I'll never have. Also most of the Times I will fall for someone who was just being nice to me. I know nobody that I've liked would ever like me that way but I would always hope, it's really stupid now to think someone would love a suicidal teen like me. Plus most of the time if I were to fall for someone they'd most likely be my friend and I'd just mess everything up. I just hate myself for this but it's what I do.
I think that's all for today, enough tears for one night. Um, do you guys even care about me writing these, cause I'm thinking of stopping to upload them. Just comment you're thoughts or anything you want to say. I love you my rainbows, stay strong.
Ty
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Dark thoughts and my crappy life
Não FicçãoThis is gonna be what goes on in my head when something goes wrong. You don't have to read it but you can it's just up to you. Most of this stuff might be triggering so read at you're own risk. Really crapply written I just don't explain that much s...
