Savior

God If You Do Exist ... Kill Me Now?

"Hey Gwen. I'm home." The four words I never wanted to hear in my lifetime. I stood there staring at the face of someone who did so many things. Even if we were in the 7th grade!

I swear I stood there for about a year before Matt shook me.

"Gwen who is this? I swear to God if you have hurt her I will kill you? Did he hurt you? What happened?" he got into Jeremy's face and whispered to him. "You better hope she is fine, " he got closer, "or you wont be."

I wouldn't mind Matt killing him but it couldn't happen.

I got between them and held Matt's face in my hands and made him look down.

"Its fine. I'm fine. Lets just go back to bed." I tried pushing him but he wouldn't budge.

"Why are you here? Are you going to hurt MY Gwen?"

"No but I just wanted to say I heard she lived here and I moved down the street." he smiled his sly grin that I came to know as a warning.

God if you do exist ... kill me now?

"Well you stay away from her. Got it?" Matt threatened.

"No promises." he laughed and with that he left and I slammed the door.

I walked to the couch and collapsed into a water fall of tears and a rapid scratching at my arms hoping to pierce them open so I can bleed to death.

I eventually opened a fresh cut from this morning.

Matt ran to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit and a towel before any could fall to the (what I guess was white at a point) carpet. He cleaned it with alcohol and wrapped it up while I just sat numb and let the tears fall. Matt wrapped his arms around my waist and rubbed my back. And again I ask.

God if you do exist ... kill me now.

Please.

"Come on Gweny lets go upstairs." I couldn't stand so he picked me up bridal style and took my upstairs to my room. He layed me down softly and pulled the blanket over me. He got in right after and held me close. He ran his fingers through my hair and sang All My Heart to me.

"There's so many things that I could say

But I'm sure that they would come out all wrong

You've got something that I can't explain

Still I try and try and let you know

That first summer we spent we will never forget

Looking for any kind of reason to escape all of this mess

We thought was what made us

Ain't it funny now?

We can see

We're who we're meant to be

You still have all of my

You still have all of my

You still have all of my heart.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh oooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh oooh. "

He continued to sing and I guess at some point I fell asleep.

But before I did I thought one more thing and it wasn't a question this time.

God if you do exist ... kill me now.