I'm Just The Worst Kind [Frerard]

Chapter 6

*a little trigger warning*

Gerard's POV

Frank.

Stop. No, Frank. I need him. No you don't. Yes, I need him so badly. He doesn't care about you, stop pretending he does, don't you see? Of course you don't, you're blind, you're selfish. So selfish it's disgusting. Shut up! You're disgusting Gerard, you only think about yourself, Frank doesn't want you.

"I said shut up!" I was holding my head in my hands and tried to let the voices go away. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I screamed and fell down on my bed crying.

"Gerard?"

My vision was blurry, but I I knew my moms voice. "Go away"

"Gerard, who were you screaming at?" She asked softly.

I started crying harder and buried my face in my pillow. "I said go away"

"No, I'm not leaving you like this. Gerard please, I want to hel-"

"No. No you don't. No one cares. Go visit Mikey, he needs you. I don't, I can handle this myself, like I've always done"

"Gerard, of course I care" She sat down beside me on the bed. "I love you, and I've always done. You just need to open up, talk to me" I shook my head. "Please"

"I can't, you wouldn't understand, no one does"

"I'll try, you don't know" She said and stroke my tears away.

"I'm worried, about Mikey. He doesn't deserve this. I do"

"No baby, it's right that Mikey doesn't deserve it, but you don't ether. This is all just horrible, and we just have to pray for it to go well and that Mikey will get better soon"

Her voice was different when she talked about Mikey getting better. "Yeah, you're right, I hope he'll get better. He deserves to be happy"

"And so does you" She said and kissed my forehead. "Try to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning"

-

It was already lunch time when I showed up for school. I got distracted on my way by the park and my sketchbook. I may have sat there and drawn for four hours, but who needs school anyway?

In lunch I looked out for Frank the whole time, but I didn't see him once. Maybe he was sick?

"Hey freak?"

I turned around and saw one of the schools football team member, a muscular one. "What?" I said harshly and hope he'd would just go away and let me find Frank.

"The principal is looking for you" He said with a sad smile. "You're mom is crying in his office and she wanted you to come"

"W-what? Why?"

"Just go, they'll explain. And-, good luck man" He pulled me into a hug, which surprised me.

When I reached the principal office, my mom was indeed there crying.

"Mom?"

She took my hand and led my out the office and to her car outside. Then she drove in silence all the way home.

"Mom, what the hell is going on?"

"Gerard, Mikey he-" She broke down crying before she could finish the sentence.

"Mikey died this morning" My dad put his arms around mom and hugged her. I saw a tears running down his face.

"Oh" I looked out the window and saw rain drops running down the glass. It suited the moment. "I'm gonna go for a walk" They both nodded while I walked past them.

When I reached the cemetery, I went straight for my grandmas grave. She understood.

"Hey grandma" I sat down beside her and looked at the sky, rain drops wetting my face. "I guess you've probably met Mikey by now?" No answer. "Tell him I love him" I paused. "I love you both"

I took out my cigarette pack and and my lighter. I put the stick between my lips and lit it. As I took a long drag, I suddenly got the urge for alcohol. I wanted to forget this. Everything.

I took my backpack of my back and took the whiskey bottle out. I took a long sip, ignoring the burning sense in my throat. As I switched between sipping on my whiskey and taking drags of my cigarettes, I started crying. I cried hard for a long time. When the whiskey bottle was empty, I only had one cigarette left. I searched my backpack until I found my razor.

-

"Gerard? Gerard oh my god!"

I found Frank's small trembling hands around my bloody wrist, but I couldn't move. My whole body was numb.

"Gerard? Can you hear me? Please, oh my god no. Why would you do this to yourself? So, so beautiful. You don't deserve this" He broke down crying.

"I'm not beautiful" I chocked out. "And I deserve to die. Not Mikey, not Grandma. Me"

"No. No, that's fucking bullshit!" I shook my head. "Gerard, listen to me" He raised my chin up and forced me to look at him. "Don't you ever do that to yourself again. Do you understand me? Never! I care about you, even though I haven't known you for long, but I care, and I don't want you to do that, you hear me?!" I looked down and nodded. "Good. Now let's get you somewhere warm"

He pulled me on my feet, grabbed my bag, and started walking. "Where do you live again? He asked after a long silence.

"Just down this road and then to the right" I muttered.

"Hey," He turned me to face him. He took his jacket off and put it over my shoulders. "Your clothes are drained, this'll keep you a little bit warm before we get there"

"Thanks" I almost whispered and pulled the jacket tighter around me. I noticed that it was still raining and Frank was only in a T-shirt. "Frank?"

"M-hm?"

"Uh, aren't you cold? You should wear your jacket, I'm okay" I started taking the jacket off, but he stopped me.

"I'm fine, you need it more than I do" He said and smiled. Of course he's the nicest person in the world, just wasting his time caring about a absolute useless trash. I felt guilty.

"You don't have to do this, y'know?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I know, but I want to. I'm not an asshole, or at least I try not to be. I usually top, but y'know"

I giggled. "You top? I thought you bottomed"

He put his hand over his heart, looking offended. "I do not. I can tell that you're a total bottom, with your giant ass and your famous sass" He said with a serious face.

I giggled again and moved closer to him. He noticed and put his hand around my shoulder. "You're right, I usually bottom, and my ass is giant" We both laughed.

"Can I come and visit you tomorrow? I know you're probably gonna be with your family and stuff, but if you have free time, call me?" He asked when I stood at my doorstep and handed me a note with his number on, witch I took gladly.

"Okay" I said smiling. "Uh, and Frank?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, your jacket" I started taking it off, and again, he stopped me.

"I'll get it later, just a reason for me to see you again" He smiled.

I giggled and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Frank, and thank you"

I saw him blush before I turned around and opened the door.

"Goodnight Gerard" I heard him mutter and walk away.

~~~

Holy see horses,

Can you believe? I actually fucking updated for once.

*stands up and sings hallelujah*

I refused to let this chapter end sadly, so I gave you a little bit of Frerard. Aren't I nice? Jk.

But I hope you're liking this shit

xx