Fuck it. (Creeypasta/Others/Humor)

Introductions! Sarah meets LJ and Hoodie!

SARAH P.O.V

So I am currently searching for someone to meet. Honestly I didn't even think these beings were real, and now that I know they are.. I'm going to start having nightmares. About seacorns.

"Where the hell is these damn creatures at!? Oh! I know, they're probably eating a human or something.. Maybe even animal dick. I DONT KNOW!" I said frustrated.

I walked around for what seemed like hours, and eventually made it in front of the front door. "Awesome, here's my chance to book it outa here. Get my self an ice cream cone or something.

I was about to turn the rusty handle when--WHAM! The door flew open, launching me backwards. A new shiny swollen bruise on my forehead.

"WHAT THE HELL DUDE!" I screamed at the person, who now stood at the doorway. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, his face gleaming an apologetic look.

I stood up, wincing as I touched my bruise. My eyes scrunched into a glare. I glared daggers at him. --sorry no, please don't write that author. No one can possibly "glare daggers"-- (sorry.)

"Uhm.. Sorry about that, it's just.. I got new bacon and I wanted to cook it really bad." He apologized. He had a orange hood on. Guess his name yet? That's right! Hoodie.

"Dude, thanks to you.. This purplish green monstrosity is on my forehead." I pointed at my bruise. He just shrugged.

Then suddenly someone poked their head through an open window. "Bacon?" A female voice spoke.

Then I heard Audrey and Kacel say "Hailey..? HAILEY!!" They got up and hugged her.

The gir-- I mean Hailey, walked over to Hoodie and snatched the raw bacon out of his hands. She slowly teared he bag open, pulling out a bacon strip.

"Ew are you going to ea--" before I could finish, Hailey shoved the uncooked strip into her mouth, resulting in a disturbing munching noise. She then left, making a dramatic wave.

I felt sick. I gagged, my eyes watering from what just happened. "That was freaking disgusting.." I muttered, still trying to hold in my afternoon lunch.

"I know what'll make Ya feel better kid!" I giddy/demonic voice vibrated through my ears. I looked up to see a damn clown!?

"The hell you want, freakish clown thingy?" I asked. He pulled something from his boxers and held it in front of my face. I backed off. In his hands were hairy rotten candy. "Ew, is there seriously pubes on your candy?" I asked. He nodded, so I sickly declined his offer of candy.

He shrugged and shoved the candy inside of his mouth. Once again, my puke threatened to rise. "Are you serious?? That's disgusting." I said.

"Your lost kid, this stuff is delicious." He finished with a loud cackle. I regained myself, and faced him.

"Laughing, why are you fudging laughing?" I asked. He stopped and looked me dead in the eye. I got the message, he wanted me to take a guess. I tried thinking, but something kept on itching me. "Your nose looks like a freaking pointy dildo. For realz. "

He put his hand on his chest, feeling "offended" but he really thought I was joking. "Dude I'm not kidding, it looks like the things hobos use to pleasure themselves." I sternly explained.

His face adjusted from happy to mad. I backed up, scared he'll eat me alive like the cannibal he is. "Wanna know why I laugh? 'Cause I'm the all mighty Laughing Jack!" He spoke.

"Oh I know you! Your an imaginary friend? Have Ya ever gone to fosters home for imaginary friends?" I said, hitting a rotten wall behind me. CLICHÉS EVERYWHERE!

Before he could add onto the cliché by pinning me, I ducked and ran away somewhere. Look I don't know exactly where I ran too ok, I haven't even discovered half of this place.

I was in some kind of hall way, it was a freaking dead end. Before I could turn back, something wrapped around me and dragged me into one of the doors in the hallway. "TF!" I yelled.

I couldn't say anything else, because something wiggly and slimy wrapped around my mouth. This material was also wrapped around my body, preventing me from moving.

"Oh looky, looky! Looks like I found myself a new toy to play with! Hurray." What sounded like a he, said.

He released me from my bounds as I fell to the floor. "Welcome to my room dearie, hope you like condoms, cause they're all over the floor." He said again.

Gross! You have to be kidding! Why does disgusting things always happen to me!? I stood up trying to find the owner of the voice.

"Stand back foul creature! Or else, I'll tickle your butt hole!!" I yelled in defense.

"Oh darling, that sounds delightful! Let's just go somewhere more... Private." The mysterious person and/or creature stated.

Suddenly, all the lights flicked on. Revealing a dirty room. The wallpaper was peeling, revealing rotting wood. There was a single mattress in the far corner. It was covered in dust and was piled with a white substance. The floor had rats running around it, and he was right. There was condoms all over the floor.

Then my eyes laid upon him. "Slenderman?" I question. He shook his head, one of his tentacles moving my bangs away from my eyes.

"I'm sexual offenderman. Slenderman'a brother." He said. "Now, let's go to that private area I was talking about eh?"

There was cameras all over the room. The pastas must monitor this guy or something, weird. "Sorry dude, but I didn't actually mean I wanted to tickle your butt. If anything, I wanna nuke your nasty ass. " I said, opened the door to the room.

Then I thought, there's gonna be a cliché where I'll get kidnapped and stuff. So instead of casually walking out, I went SANIK face outa. "COME BACK HERE SARAH!! I AINT DONE WITH YOU!!"

"How the fuck does he know my name?" I asked myself as I made it back to the living room area. I'm pretty sure everyone heard Offenderman yell cause they all were looking in that direction.

"So your names Sarah?" Hoodie and Laughing Jack said. I nodded as I hid behind Kasel and Audrey.

"Hide me!" I yelped.

~~

A/N: Damn, sexual offenderman wants to get some. Anyways, hope Ya liked this chapter! Next will be in Y/N's P.O.V so Ya! And for those of you who don't know, LJ is an abbreviation for Laughing Jack.