Love Letters to the Past

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

"Is there something going on?" Evan asked me as I went inside the guest room.

"Why?"

"Ariana was just checking on us and asking if I have met Sterling yet. Is he someone I need to get to know?" I sighed. Of course, Ariana won't just stay still.

I looked at him long enough to say "I love you", and I meant it. Even though there's Sterling somewhere in this house, even though he is trying to reconcile with me, "I have to tell you something Evan. I want to be honest with you on this."

And he looked at me with blank expression. Maybe, he doesn't know what to expect, he doesn't know what to feel.

I began telling him the stories of Sterling and I back in high school, how I was friends with his siblings, on how we met, on how we became infatuated with each other, on how my heart beats differently when he's around and how I broke up with him because of my condition. Honestly, I don't want to tell him all this because I wanted it to be just mine. I wanted it to be my secret love because first love is always special.

"I want you to know all this because I love you and I am marrying you. I think you should know now because you've already met him at some point."

He held my hand and looked at me lovingly, "I understand.", and he kissed my knuckles, "Do your heart beats differently now? Now that you were with him these past few days?"

"It did at some point, but it is different. What I feel for him right now is not what I felt seven years ago, what I feel for him now is just guilt."

"You should find closure with him." And that is what Evan would likely say, "You need this, for your heart to be at peace."

I gulped, "But what if..." I trailed

He shut his eyes as he understands what I'll say, "If your feelings came back for him then you should decide who you'll choose. If your feelings come back then I won't bother you because I know you will be confused if I do."

And now my eyes started leaking, "No, don't say that."

"Look River, you would get to decide but right now you should at least give him a chance to know the truth. As far as I see it, he doesn't even hate you for what you did because if he does then you wouldn't be staying here. You should just give him a chance like how you gave me a chance to open up your heart when it was shut close." He grabbed my face, "You should do the right thing. Just remember that I love you more than anything and you will be my forever and I'll be your forever if you still want me to."

He kissed me softly and I kissed back trying to deepen the gesture but then he pulled away. "Let's sleep first then I'll go to your parent's house. Your mom already texted me that they'll be home by 4 am. I'll stay there the whole day and you will stay here and try to find closure with Sterling. I'll take care of your parents." And he laid beside me but his back is on me.

I hugged his torso as I try to fall asleep without shedding any more tears.

If Evan is this caring and giving, how can I not choose him?

"Evan, we don't have to do this. I don't have to do this." I whined as he packs up my car with our luggage.

"Call me and I'll pick you up." He held my gaze, "You've gotta do this River, then we would know that no one will ever come between us." And he gave me a box.

I know this box, this is where I keep all my letters for Sterling. Letters I wrote whenever I miss Sterling, letters that contains every truth in our story, letters that explains my side of the story. I didn't even remember what I wrote on those letters.