Song of the Britannia Seas (1D fanfic Parody)

Deniall

I'm steaming inside. I want to loose Zayn on him and let him tear his intestines out and bathe in them. My sister! My SISTER! 

I have to clench my teeth to keep myself from blowing up right in the middle of the shop.

Louis hops off the counter and rests his hand on my shoulder. "What do you think, mate?" He loops his other hand around Gemma's shoulders. "I know this is a bit of a shock, but we wanted it to be a surprise. We're gona be brothers, Harry!"

I'm in a daze. I slide my gaze over to Liam, who looks back at me with wide eyes.

"Louis," I speak, through locked teeth. "Would you mind joining me in the back."

"Oh, yeah, no problem, bro-in law." He winks with a smile. Gemma won't meet my eyes.

We turn into the storage room. I close the door behind us.

"You alright, Harry? You seem a little..."

"My sister, Louis! You've been sleeping with Gemma! For how long has this been going on?! My God, Louis!"

"Well, I didn't think you'd be this mad, mate. We're friends, after all."

"My sister, Louis. How long?" 

"Since I laid eyes on her," he sighs, "I knew I had the hots. After we became famous, she started noticing me and... well, we started having visits of the conjugal nature, if you know what I mean."

"God, Louis, I don't want to hear that."

"I honestly don't see why you're so angry."

"Because you impregnated my sister and you never even told me you liked her! It wouldn't have been as bad if you didn't keep your relationship a secret! Why would you keep it from us?! We tell each other everything!"

"Well, what about you?" he rebuttals., "You never told us about your relationship!"

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Come on, Harry, we all know. Don't act like you don't."

"Just come out with it, Louis!"

"You're flaming gay, Harry!"

"What?! Why would you say that?!"

"Oh, come on, we all know. We've always known. It's never been a secret!"

"I'm not gay!"

"You have fabulous hair, you're well groomed, and your fashion sense is always on-point! Not to mention Niall! We all know you like him! You can't deny it! If you do, you're in serious denial!"

I purse my lips and cross my arms. I'm not gay. Nope. Women are... sexy. Super sexy. I love women. They're so... uh... sexy. Hot. Yes. 

"I'm not in denial."

"So you admit it?"

"No."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine. Wallow in your palace of denial. I'm going to go be with my baby mamma."